Our Mommyhood

Posts Tagged ‘Stay At Home Mom’

By JJ Keith, Staff Writer, JJust Kidding (@jj_keith)

Last week I swabbed the floors, hid the laundry, put out a bowl of fruit and hosted a play date at my house for other mothers of two kids two and under. One of the moms grew up abroad and has ample family and household help. She took one look at me anxiously bouncing my infant in a Bjorn, pulling the garden hose out of my toddler’s mouth and tripping over cat mewing to be fed and said, “American women work too hard; you need a maid.”

When I had one child I felt prideful about the ferocity with which I did it all. When my first napped I busted my ass to clean the house, then write a blog post, polish an article for submission, return calls and emails, put some veggies in the crock pot for dinner and lay out the materials to do an art project with my daughter when she awoke. I was a multitasking hero. I didn’t need help. Nannies are for sissies. Plus my husband is a loving and dedicated father who also contributes mightily to keeping this household running. Maybe, I wondered, nannies are for families with absentee fathers.

Now that I have two babies, mom clichés like, “There just aren’t enough hours in the day” or “There isn’t enough of me to go around” are starting to sound like scripture. At this point I would unironically embroider “Too much to do, Too little time” on a throw pillow if, ironically, I had the time.

In my last post I presented my friend’s parable about the rich mom who was stressed with managing her household staff and children’s scheduled edutainment and the poor mom who just let it all roll, cooler than the cucumbers de-puffing the rich mom’s eyes on spa days. These days I’m poor AND stressed. The parable doesn’t hold up for moms with more than one kid it seems.

I was valedictorian of my high school, a National Merit Scholar and had a B.A. before I was legally allowed to buy alcohol. I spent my adolescence so tightly wound that I had nightmares of B+’s, but I have never been more stressed than I have been in the last few months. On top of taking care of my kids and my home, I need to come up with some freelancing income to help keep our household afloat. Now I know: writing, editing and managing submissions on top of the demands of being a stay-at-home mom two kids two and under is much harder than being an ace student.

After nearly losing my mind while cooking an apple crisp, responding to emails, bouncing my wailing baby, while calling the pediatrician I had a moment of clarity. I remembered that once I became a twenty-year-old with a B.A. I was just another schmo who needed a job. No one cared how many grades I skipped. And so now as a stay-at-home mom who freelances part-time without childcare or any familial or household help I had to look at myself and wonder: what am I trying to prove?

That lady was right. I do work too hard. I need to make my life livable and my goals attainable. The first step was going through our budget to see what we could give up in order to afford some cleaning help once every two weeks. I’ve also been on the lookout for a young and inexpensive mother’s helper to entertain my toddler (while I’m home and keeping an eye on things) for a few hours a week. I beg you to share any other suggestions you might have.

No one ever said that being a mom was easy, but no one ever said it would be this hard either. Late at night, after the kids are asleep, the dishwasher is whirring, the laundry is folded and the cat box is scooped I fantasize about everything I’ll get done one I get these kids in school all day. I could rule the world.

By Honey B, Staff Writer, The Honey B (@TheHoneyB)

Last week Queen B. and I went shopping (big surprise) in a nearby city, which allowed us some time to talk; something we consider to be a skill. We talked birth control, timing of kids, how many kids, future kids names, blogging and eventually got to the topic of stay-at-home-moms (SAHMs).

By Tonya, Guest Writer, Letters for Lucas

My son is turning one in a few days and that just seems crazy! Where did this year go? 365 days… poof, gone! Most days felt like an absolute eternity, while others simply flashed right before my eyes.

I think I’m still in complete denial that I’m someone’s mommy, that I even have a son; and honestly, I can’t believe I made it this far.

My son, Lucas is amazing and I love him more than words can say. He is the best thing I have ever done and he has changed my world in so many positive ways. He is growing and flourishing in ways that are beyond awesome to witness and he truly is a blessing, on the other hand, I am feeling lost in my attempt to figure out what it means to be “Mommy”.

I know I don’t have to tell you, because you are all smart women and undoubtedly have WAY more mommy experience than I do, but THIS IS TOUGH.

Way tougher than I ever thought.

Being a stay at home mom is hard work, and I’m not just talking about the physical labor part (making bottles, changing diapers, doing mounds of laundry, etc.), I’m referring to the emotional part, which for me has been the most challenging thing I have ever had to confront in my life. It scares me to death to think that I am only one year into it.

I feel like I lost everything when I had a baby; my independence, my freedom, my humility, my personal time and space, hours upon hours of sleep and some days, even my sanity. In just one short year, motherhood has already pushed me further than I ever thought I could go physically or mentally.

Perhaps I’m a selfish person, perhaps, I wasn’t quite mentally prepared to have a child. I thought I was, but there is A LOT that people don’t tell you about becoming a mother…

First and foremost, being a mom really sucks the life out of you. It’s exhausting and, again I’m not referring to the work part of the role, but the being “on” ALL THE TIME and if for one moment you’re not, the tremendous guilt that you feel. By the way, what is it with all the guilt?

Secondly, I didn’t know that my relationships would suffer once I became a mother, particularly the one with my son’s father. We are a great team and have somehow muddled through this first year together, but marriage definitely changes once you have a baby. It really is a wonder to me that siblings are even born because that little life sucker uses everything in his power to keep his dad and I apart day and night.

Whenever we happen to have any free time together (thank goodness for babysitters and family members), I want it all to myself, even though I know that I should be spending it getting reacquainted with my husband. After all, he helped me make this beautiful baby and I love him for it, but days go by and sometimes our only conversations are about our son; the latest cutest thing he’s done, his food intake, poop outtake or further insight into his needs and how we are or aren’t meeting them. I know with time, we will find our way. I should note that since we’ve had Lucas, we have had some of the best date nights.

The greatest part about motherhood is that I also feel like I gained everything when I had a baby. I have so much more self-confidence, patience and strength I never knew I possessed, love in my life and pride in my soul. I love being Lucas’ mother and I’m very excited about what lies ahead and where my mommy journey will take me.

After a year in, I know now that a lot of this first time mommy stuff really can’t be shared with you before you have a child, you have to learn on your own, right smack dap in the line of fire. Here’s to us, surviving our first year and a very happy first birthday, Lucas!

By Poppy, Guest Writer, Funny Or Snot (@funnyorsnot)

In my high school yearbook when I was asked what I would be doing in 10 years, I was quoted as saying “married with 16 kids, be a housewife, PTA President, drive a station wagon, be spanked when I’m bad, and have to beg whenever I want a new dress”.  I was joking.  At that point in my life it never occurred to me that I would ever want children, let alone stay home with them full time.

Ten years later, I had one child that was a really easy-going kid.  I had a great support system and had no problems working full time and raising her, even though I worked a crazy schedule.  Fast-forward to my second kid, who wasn’t nearly as compliant, and I started to get a bit frazzled as I burned through my circle of sitters because the kid seldom slept.  My husband and I both worked a late swing shift until 03:00 in the morning.  We needed a sitter mostly while the kids slept, which should have been an easy job for very willing grandparents.

The plan was to work until 03:00 a.m. and I’d stay where the kids were until 06:30 a.m.  I’d get my daughter ready and drive her to school and hope the baby would take a nap so I could catch another few hours during the school day and before I had to go back to work.  More often than not, something would thwart that plan.  My personal favorite?

HEAD LICE

Have you ever shuffled into Walgreens sans bra in your best sweats with bedhead carrying an infant in a carseat and holding the hand of a 6 year old in pajamas and have to ask where they keep the Rid?  I think my picture is circulating in the Best of Walmart email somewhere, but really I was at Walgreens.  Don’t judge me until you have to pick 10,000 nits and their eggs with your hands covered in pesticide while you are breastfeeding.

My husband tried working an opposite day off pattern, but then we didn’t see each other.  I wasn’t opposed to paying someone to watch my kids, but I was afraid.  There were times I fought the urge to shake my own child so I was afraid someone who didn’t love her might hurt her.  We decided that someone who loved her was me.  My very supportive co-workers threw me one heck of a going away party that included margarita’s in a fishbow,l and 9 months later I was a full time stay at home mom of 3 children instead of just the two.  Then the unthinkable happened.  The single event that brought down my MILF status exponentially:

I was handed the keys to my 7 passenger Toyota Sienna minivan.

It has been almost 4 years now that I have been home full time with my kids.

Sometimes I’m embarrassed when someone asks me what I do.  Sometimes I long for adult interaction other than the computer.  Sometimes I miss having a defined purpose other than laundry.

But most of the time, I feel lucky to be home with them.  It was easier to live on one income than I thought it would be.

One of my greatest obstacles that I didn’t anticipate was reminding people in my life that I didn’t quit my job to watch their children.  I don’t mind helping out every once in a while, but if I wanted to run a daycare, I would open one and charge for my services.

My question to other stay at home mom’s out there is: Is it everything you expected?  Do you ever long to go back to work?  Do you find people take advantage of you if you let them?

Those that are working:  Do you long to be at home with your kids or do you prefer to work?  Would the monotony of playdates and carpool drive you crazy?

By Samantha

My Mom once told me that if Stay-at-Home Mom’s got paid in cash money
for everything that they did in a day, they would make more money than
a lot of people in America do. I remember pondering this statement,
and then being surprised at how undoubtedly true it is!

On a typical day, I clean the bathrooms, vacuum the floors, do
everyone’s laundry, make up beds, straighten up bedrooms, de-clutter
the living room, and clean off the dining room table. I make
breakfast, lunch and dinner. I run errands, and I shop for groceries.
I wash windows, and take out trash. I do countless numbers of jobs
that most people get a paycheck for, and I do them completely free!
Did you know that if Stay-At-Home Mom’s got a paycheck for the jobs
they do, they would be paid 134,000 dollars a year!

Holy new car Batman!

I couldn’t imagine myself as a “working Mom”; at least, not right now.
My house would be a disaster, and my entire family would be fat off of
Chinese take-out for dinner every night. I have total respect for the
Working Moms who work a 9 to 5 job, and then come home only to work
some more. I know that a mother’s job is never, ever done; no matter
what time of the day it is. At the same time, I feel as though us
Stay-At-Home Mom’s don’t get enough credit either.

Sometimes I feel like there’s this unrealistic idea that Stay-At-Home
Mom’s lounge around in their P.J’s all day, drinking coffee, and
catching up on their soap’s. So not true. At least, not for me. From
the time I wake in the morning, to the time I lay my head on the pillow
at night, I am constantly going. Whether it be cleaning house, running
errands, or completing some other random job, I never have dull moment.
I won’t lie though, there are days when I do just throw up hands and
declare a lazy day, but that’s generally only when it’s rainy
out (I live in the South, that’s not very often). Even then I find
myself chasing my two year old around and picking up the random objects
she’s pulled from places I didn’t even know existed.

My job never really stops.

That’s when I envy the Husband’s of Stay-At-Home Moms.

But that’s another story, for another day…

Samantha is a stay at home mom of one crazy little girl. She writes out her antics almost daily on her personal blog, Apple Juice and Milk,in an attempt to help others feel better about their lives… when compared to hers.