Our Mommyhood

Posts Tagged ‘pregnancy’

By Amanda, Guest Writer, It’s Blogworthy (@amandaaustin)

I was dreading this appointment with my midwife for some reason. I had the worst running through my head — what if they couldn’t hear him? What if something was “off”? I signed in and waited only a couple of minutes before the nurse lead me to my first stop — the scale. I set my purse on the floor and stepped on the ginormous mechanical beast, holding my breath as the number flashed on the screen.

My husband tries to be helpful, but this time he wasn’t. He asked immediately what the number was and I told him. We compared it to last month’s appointment and did the math. The math was not pretty. I vented for a second while waiting for our midwife. How am I supposed to gain a normal amount of weight when I’m hungry every second of the day? She walked in and asked how I was feeling and we looked at each other and giggled. “Oh, just comparing last month’s weight with this month. I didn’t like what I saw!” I said.

She looked at my chart and back to me and with a kind smile said, “Well, you have gained 24 pounds in 22 weeks. A good weight gain is between 25 and 35 pounds and you’ve got a few weeks to go.”

That’s what she said. That’s not what I heard. I told her I try to eat healthy food — I’ve lived on snacks of carrots, apples and bananas — and she mentioned fruit is also good. I told her I love fruit, but how much can one person eat? She said, “Well, if you get tired of fruit, there’s always DRIED FRUIT!”

Dried fruit. Without one hint of sarcasm.

She measured my belly and listened to my little man’s heart beat strongly, his little arms and legs punching and kicking, his tiny body wriggling around inside me. She told me I looked good and measured perfectly. She sent me off to schedule my next appointment as if everything was fine, and I listened with a smile covering the disappointment I was feeling.

I’ve always been a dieter, a weight watcher. I have weighed within 10 pounds of the weight I was at 22. I’m short — only 5’3″ — so one pound looks like two. I’ve always been conscious and in control, but now that I’m decidedly not in control (of anything my body does anymore, apparently) I really am not sure how to handle it. So I did what any pregnant woman would do.

I cried.

I sobbed.

I was completely irrational.

I told my husband he wouldn’t love me anymore, that my son would be embarrassed of a few extra pounds on his Momma. I knew it wasn’t true, but the words flowed as freely as my tears.

I packed some salads, veggies and fruit for my lunch and fixed spaghetti for dinner. I ate a small portion and then an apple and some milk for desert. I walked on our treadmill for a half-hour (because I live in Florida and it’s July — I’m not stupid). I looked at the calendar to see how many more days I’d be eating apples and bananas for snacks.

I want what’s best for him — that’s the bottom line. Too much is not healthy for either one of us, but I have to provide enough to grow strong and healthy. The thing is, weight is a sensitive issue for a lot of women. It doesn’t help that celebrities are popping out babies left and right and then showing off their new bikini bods within a few months of giving birth. I’m no expert, but that doesn’t seem healthy. Wouldn’t you rather spend time with your newborn than at the gym getting your body back?

This is where I get stuck: What’s best for me and the baby. I’m sure it’s something many new Moms have to deal with. Nobody likes to hear they have gained too much weight.

This pregnancy and motherhood thing is new to me. Maybe I have a little more selfishness to get rid of before he gets here.

I’m trying to have a new attitude — instead of obsessing over what I eat, I’m going to think about how beautiful his heartbeat sounds and how blessed I am to have a healthy baby boy.

Am I crazy obsessing about the weight? Or should I brush it off and keep on livin’?

By Cate, Guest Writer, Real Life with Kids (@reallifewkids)

I made sure to put “A Retrospective” and “#2″ in the title lest my mother or my other mother read this and get excited or otherwise agitated thinking we are expecting. Again. Because that store is closed. Lights off, nobody there.

When DW and I found out we were expecting Baby #2, Baby #1 was only a bit over a year old. We weren’t not trying to have another one, but it was surprising because the doctors had told us that if we wanted the first one, we’d better get going because my endometriosis had the potential to render me infertile. Again.

I think I did pretty well on the expecting part; it was when we got close to the delivery date that I started to fall apart.

I’m a planner. I’m sure my husband would offer the caveat here that being a planner doesn’t mean being organized. Then I would flip him off and walk with you to another room so we could talk without being interrupted by comments from DW that are certainly open for debate.

Just like when expecting Itchy, I had everything ready for little Scratchy. His beautiful crib – the same as Itchy’s, only in dark cherry. A little sailboat crib quilt and an embroidered whale duvet. Oxford striped crib sheets. A beautiful dark cherry dresser with a little wooden sailboat sitting on top, along with the changing pad and all of the baby needs – diapers, balms, etc., in a little basket with a sailboat liner.

As my due date approached, I began to realize that being prepared for the arrival of Baby #2 in a logistical sense (and awesomely matching accessories) was definitely not the same as being prepared for Baby #2 in an emotional sense. Itchy was my life! She and I were bonded in a way I’d never had with anyone before. I began having occasional nightmares where I would be somewhere with the new baby and Itchy, and I would forget Itchy when I left.

I was so worried that this new baby would somehow subtract from Itchy. That he would arrive and I would be leaving her with less of me than I wanted, less of me than she deserved.

What helped? Itchy herself was a balm to my anxious soul. She was SO excited for her baby brother to arrive! She would talk to my belly, and DW and I would read stories to my belly with Itchy sitting on our bed most evenings.

I would tell her that she needed to tell the baby that he could have ice cream if he came out soon. That she needed to tell him how yummy ice cream was. And my beautiful girl would whisper to my belly that she would share her ice cream with him if he would just come out (and I’m sitting here, crying, remembering this).

The pediatrician gave us some awesome advice regarding bringing Scratchy home. She told us that it would be a good idea to have a baby doll and accessories that Itchy could keep busy with and imitate what mommy was doing with the new baby. So I bought a Cabbage Patch baby, a little bassinet basket and little doll diapers, wipes, bottles, etc.

When Itchy came to the hospital to meet baby Scratchy – she was 22 months old and glowing with excitement. Oh, how she loved her baby brother. She loved the baby doll, who she named, “Scratchy,” also, and what we called “Baby Scratchy” to differentiate from the real baby.

When her daddy took her to stand outside the nursery window along with other folks looking at their babies, he held her up to see him and she shouted “HI, SCRATCHY!!!!” because she was worried he wouldn’t hear her through the glass. She then told everyone who would listen that Scratchy was her baby and she was a big sister.

I guess what I didn’t realize – and couldn’t realize, really, until he arrived – was that Scratchy and Itchy weren’t compartmentalized separately. That when he came home it would be a family affair. When I was nursing Scratchy, Itchy sat with her Baby Scratchy in the little rocking chair from my childhood and gave him a bottle. When Scratchy cried and DW and I were comforting him, Itchy was right there wanting to help as well.

I didn’t realize how she would embrace him and that so much love could come from a little 22 month old girl. That bringing home Baby #2 was not an event just for mom and dad, but an event for our little family.

As with most things in life, my concerns about Expecting Baby #2 were so much bigger than reality.

I can tell you that Itchy is almost 13, Scratchy is almost 11 and that they are very close. They drive each other crazy, but that’s kind of in the sibling job description (see the post on MY brother). Itchy is Scratchy’s ‘straight man’ and she laughs at all of his jokes. Scratchy is Itchy’s lieutenant and generally follows along when she has a plan to carry out. It has been truly wonderful to watch them grow as individuals and as brother and sister. Can’t wait to see what else they have in store for us.

How did you handle preparations for Baby #2 (or #3 or #4)?

By Betsy, Contributor, Funky Mama Bird (@funkymamabird)

I spent this past Friday night in the company of some fun and charming ladies, three of whom happened to be pregnant. I wound up leaving that night with some serious pregnancy envy and a burning question in my mind: How do you know when you are ready to have the next one?

After a lot of thought,  and a few more margaritas, I managed to compile this handy chart for reference. If you are also wondering if it’s time to have another baby, take a look below and find your readiness level.

Answer the following questions and total your score at the end to see if you are ready for another baby.

Are you particularly attached to seeing your feet? Yes = 2points No =1point

Are you ready for the brain calisthenics required to figure out how you can vomit up everything you eat and still gain weight? Yes = 1point No=2points

Is your current child still small enough to want to stand in your lap and dance on your internal organs causing pain and bruising to your kidneys daily? Yes=2points No = 1point

Is your lower back already strained from the constant hoisting of a toddler who demands, “Up mama!” five seconds after he has requested to be put down? Yes = 2points No = 1point

Have you successfully achieved “labor amnesia”? Yes = 1point No = 2points

Have you forgotten about and recovered from the bone sucking fatigue of early infancy? Yes=1point No=2 points

Do you have enough gender neutral hand-me-downs or a bank account large enough to sustain another nesting/purchasing cycle? Yes=1point No=2points

Do you look at pregnant women with a feeling of smug superiority? Yes=2points No=1point

Do you look at pregnant women with a feeling of envy and longing? Yes=1point No=2points

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To find your score, total the number of points from above.

9 – 13 points – Congratulations! You are mentally prepared for the process of attempting to conceive your next child. Your heady optimism is sure to get you through no matter how long it takes to get pregnant with that little bundle, and the soul sucking fatigue of both early pregnancy and early infancy while you chase your older child(ren).

14 – 18 points – Congratulations! You are self aware enough to realize that even if you succumb to those feelings of pregnancy envy and do get pregnant again, that the end result is worth it in the end, no matter how hard the journey. And if you do manage to keep those pregnancy longings away, you’ll be doing so with the proper blend of smugness and superiority required for a healthy self esteem.

by Honey B, Contributor, The Honey B (@thehoneyb)

Today I was thinking about all the reasons why I want to wait and finish the Baby Bucket List before I get pregnant.

Part of it is just wanting to feel prepared, and get some things off my plate before I take on the monumental task of motherhood. But another part of it is the paranoid part of me that is afraid that I’ll get pregnant, and then think whoa, did I really even want kids? The fear that I would resent my children for impeding my ability to do, well anything really- go on a trip, sleep, having a clean house, have the body I did before I got pregnant- what if I get into it and its not what I wanted it to be?

The blogosphere is positively brimming with posts about Mom’s who say motherhood was harder than they expected, not what they expected, and that its SO much harder than they expected. Wow. That is some scary shit. These are women who were ecstatic about getting pregnant- some after months or years of trying to conceive- and are feeling like they were dealt a really unexpected blow when motherhood isn’t all sunshine and happiness. Every expecting mother says they anticipate that it won’t always be easy and there will be rough days, but I’m starting to wonder if there isn’t some kind of self-delusion going on. The kind of delusion where we think I am different and I will be the perfect mother and I will be completely fulfilled by this life I have chosen and not loving being a mother every hour of every day is akin to not loving my child. Omg, did someone spike the Koolaid?? Where did the perfection requirement enter into this?!

I will admit I don’t understand a lot of what makes Mommies want to be perfect. I think about the choices I’ve made in life, like being married. Before I got married, I knew that it wasn’t going to be fun every day, and that there will be days when the single life seems like that’s where it’s really at. And of course, actually living it is far more in your face and unhappy than what you imagine before you’re married. But when the first fight happens and you have a rough day in marriage land, do I feel like being a wife is a mistake? No, I don’t! I think it’s a crappy day and I really hope that I like him more tomorrow.

Perfection wasn’t ever part of the equation when I thought about married life on a daily basis. In today’s society, there is a 50/50 chance of the marriage ending in divorce. That’s a pretty gruesome rate, and aren’t we thankful that it parenthood doesn’t have statistics like that? And yet we act as though anything less than perfect motherhood isn’t acceptable. Much like the choice to breastfeed or have a natural delivery or any other hot-button issue that Mommies get nasty about, its all about providing the best for your children. But sometimes, I think Mommies need to just cut themselves some slack.

But the old adage holds true, easier said than done…and I worry that I won’t be happy once I take the plunge.

What do you think?

By Jenny, Guest Writer, Happenings of a Little Bubba (@bubsymomma)

I don’t know about you but I tried to maintain a level of fitness throughout my pregnancy with my son.  As a fitness professional, I had to.  I even taught Pilates and Kick Boxing tell my 9th month of pregnancy.  I think it is key to continue to exercising so that when it is time to get back into shape after baby, you can do it a whole lot easier!

Exercising in the postpartum period is a way to help you get back into shape and stay healthy for your baby and yourself. Many of us moms want to know when we can start exercising after giving birth. The general advice from most physicians and midwives is to wait 6-8 weeks before really getting into a fitness routine.

I have to agree with this rule of thumb.  I remember when I started getting back into Pilates after my son it was about 5 weeks out.  I did a move that required a lot of abdominal strength and was disappointed when I wasn’t able to do it and that it felt kind of weird.  By weird I mean my uterus was still shrinking and I should have WAITED.

You may be asked to wait longer or hold back a bit if you have had a cesarean section or an operative vaginal delivery (with forceps or vacuum extraction). Your doctor or midwife can give you specifics on your personal time line for exercise. Ideally, this bar on strenuous fitness will not hamper your efforts to move.

Movement is perfect and should begin within hours after you give birth, even if you required surgery. We know that moms who move after birth do tend to heal more quickly and feel better sooner than their less active counterparts. This doesn’t mean jog around the block, but it does mean getting up and moving around your hospital room or in your home. Even after surgery or after an epidural, you can begin to walk with assistance in just a few hours. Though the first few attempts may be painful – overall, the movement is good.

I do not recommend a fitness routine, but a daily brief walk after the first week or two is perfect. Watch for over doing it, which as I told you above, I did.  If you were exercising prior to pregnancy, you may feel more of a need to get out and get going. On a limited basis, some doctors will give you the go ahead. You might be asked to do modified yoga versus aerobics, but stretching and gentle movements are fine.

Just remember that your body is still adjusting to its non-pregnant state. You will have your center of balance shifting again, the hormones of pregnancy will continue to make your joints a bit softer and then you have just the feeling of exhaustion that can accompany any birth.

Here are some rules that I followed and recommend that you follow post baby….
•    Wait until you’re given the go ahead
•    Start with small bits of exercise
•    Slowly work your way back into a fitness routine
•    Stop exercising if you have pain, increased bleeding or you just don’t feel comfortable
•    Think slow and gentle at first

Jenny/Certified Personal Trainer and Mommy Blogger