Posts Tagged ‘Playdate’

By My Baby Sweetness, Guest Writer

I admitted this on my blog and now I’ll admit it here too.  It’s true – I’ve started dating.  And my husband… he knows…  Now I could go down the path of saying he’s ok with it because I’m dating women now, but I won’t (that didn’t count!).  I’m dating moms now – I’m play dating.

And let me say – I think it’s worse than the first time around…  Although there are so many parallels.  I started out play dating the way I dated – just thinking that I could hang out and let “mother nature” take her course.  But after a period I realized – I’m actually supposed to be an active participant in this process!  Who knew?

So I tried to the bar type pickups – only there are a new “singles” bars for the play dateless Mom – they’re the crying room at church, the park, the play area at the mall (brace yourself for that one!  It’s sort of like going to a theme bar…), the library or Chick-Fil-A (like the martini bar of this era of my life… apparently).

I tried the “8 minute” dating options – established Moms playgroups through church or that I heard about from friends.

I tried online dating – looking for Moms meetup groups, area playgroups, well anything!

And the truth is – this is not as easy as it looks.  When I was not a Mom, probably even when I was pregnant, I would see Moms together with their kids at the park and I figured everyone was totally open and welcoming and that the park was a great big meet and greet.  Now that I’m bringing my 15 month old there, I find that there’s a big range, but most people pretty much want to hang out with the people they came with (my husband tells me it’s much worse when he brings her and is the only Dad there – they really shy away from him).  I saw one woman at the park with her son who played “near” my daughter for quite awhile (they’re babies – they don’t play together per se).  A day or two later I happened to run into her at a Moms group and mentioned – oh, hey, we sort of met before!  You were at the park, right? The look on her face said, oh my God, stalker lady!

The truth is I’m finding so many of the same types of mismatches I found in dating.  Like when I was in my early 20’s and talking to a guy at the bar who suddenly realized I was 10 years younger than him and he fled.  Or around that same age when a friend set me up with a guy she was sure wasn’t much older than me who turned out to be 40 (and not a well kept 40 either.  I was a young looking 23 and he looked closer to 50.  We were both fairly skeeved.)  But now instead, I’ll meet a Mom and we’ll get along until we realize her kids are all in school and my daughter is only 15 months – so much for that play date.

There have been a few decent matches and I’ve STARTED to make friends, but it is not an easy road.  Among other things, Moms groups are incredibly hard to break into.  I’m not sure if the Moms with older kids just feel like the other moms with kids the same age are a better match up for their kids; are more likely to understand where they are; or they’ve known them forever and are established friends.  But the truth is – it starts to feel really cliquey!

But, in my time in the trenches of my new dating status, I have found a few good places to look:

1. the library
2. the park
3. kids classes – the free ones are my favorite… usually at the library!
4. Moms groups – through meetup, yahoo groups, the community
5. the crying room at church

I am definitely still struggling (and appreciate any other thoughts/suggestions), but I’ve found through my wonderful blogging community that – thank God! – I am not the only one.  I am not just repellant!  This is actually some hard work!

Please comment with any of your suggestions or mommy dating war stories!

By Julia

I was so nervous. I don’t know why. I mean, I really like this person. So why was my stomach in knots?
 
To avoid being shot down in person, I approached them by email. Perhaps the thought of saying “no” over the internet is slightly less humiliating.
 
To my delight, I got a resounding YES! We set up a date and time. Unfortunately, I didn’t really have anything planned. I was just going to see what happened and go from there.

I paced the house as the time approached. Drinks- check. Food- not really. Oh no, should I have prepared food? Would they feel like eating? I don’t even know what they like!
 
It’s time… They’re running late. Oh my gosh, I bet they aren’t going to show. Maybe they don’t like me that much. Maybe I came on too strong. Maybe I should’ve invited other people. Oh, I don’t know. I’m so new to this.
 
Finally, they show up, pull in the driveaway and I peer through the curtains in hopes of not being seen.  I don’t want to look like a fool. (Too late)  Knock, knock.
 
Gulp.  Here goes nothing….
 
We greet each other, have small talk, I offered drinks but none were taken.  Just a small glass of water. I brought out a few toys, but I wasn’t really sure what interest they would have.  About an hour and a half passed and I could tell they were getting antsy to go. It’s probably time to leave. They look tired.
 

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We said our good-byes and parted our ways.  I wonder if they’ll ever want to do that again. Maybe next time I should have something planned and organized.  I bet most non-virgins know all the “rules” and have tons of ideas.  Can’t help it.  It was my first time.
 
That’s right… my first time hosting a playdate.
 
Lessons learned.
 

What are some of your favorite things to do with other kids and moms when you host a playdate?

I’d love to get some ideas so my second time isn’t so… boring!

With 2 toddlers attached to her hip and hair thrown in a ponytail on an almost daily basis, Julia blogs at Work, Wife, Mom… Life. She’s a full-time working mom who tries to balance it all with her faith holding her together.