Our Mommyhood

Posts Tagged ‘parenting decisions’

By Mama M, Staff Writer, My Little Life (@5CrookedHalos)

Where do you fall on the spectrum of parents who let their children miss school for anything or those who never let their child stay home?

I value education and teaching our children the importance of receiving an education, however, I totally, completely and wholeheartedly believe that children can learn so much from “life” and family that I don’t usually hesitate to let them miss school.

Don’t get me wrong; my kids are not pulled out of school for every little whim, nor can they stay home if they just have the sniffles. but I do believe in a day off every once in a while.

Missing school for family vacations? Abso-stinkin’-lutely. Missing school ‘cuz they just don’t want to go? Heck to the no!

We value family time more than anything. If my patience and my teaching abilities allowed, I would seriously consider homeschooling our kiddos, but as it stands the teachers in our schools do a MUCH better job that I could ever do, so that is where our children are.

I will never, ever, ever feel guilty, though about pulling our kids for a “mental health day” or for lunch on their birthdays or for an appointment or letting them “wait it out” for the morning if they weren’t feeling well the night before.

Our teachers have our kids for the majority of the day; I figure stealing a day or two back from them isn’t going to hurt anyone.

I hope that I am teaching my children that while school is important, life and family are more so.

What are your thoughts on this?  What are acceptable reasons to miss school?

By JJ Keith, Contributor, JJust Kidding (@jj_keith)

My mother likes to brag that she didn’t even have a stroller when her two eldest children were tiny. My sisters, two years apart, were taken everywhere simply hoisted under my mother’s arms. This raises so many questions: Could strollers have really been that expensive in the late 70s? How did she deal with my oldest sister, who would become a champion of track and field just a few years later, running off? Why didn’t my dad carry one of them?

Now I have two small children of my own, the eldest of whom is likely to be a champion of track and field in just a few years. I’ve spent some time picking apart the assertion that it’s possible to take two teeny kids out in public with no strollers or carriers or anyone else to help. Times have changed since the late 70s, much to the detriment of parents. Back then if a kid wandered off in the grocery store a kindly person would probably just help the stray find her parents, but today such a catastrophe would be remedied with a visit from either the police or CPS, and most certainly accompanied by an indignant lecture about the nearly averted abduction.

But more importantly, all my mom’s “ten miles in the snow, barefoot, uphill both ways” stories of child-rearing conveniently overlook that her own mother lived just a half mile down the street from my family and my grandmother was a frequent and prodigious babysitter. I can’t personally attest to what my parents did before I was born, but I know that if I drove by grandma’s house on the way to the grocery store I’d always shop alone. It’s rough schlepping two children around, especially since one of them is drawn to busy streets like they were paved with molasses. It was tough taking out my semi-feral toddler when it was just her, but now that there are soft spots to protect and I’m hefting around two different sizes of diapers, the ballgame has changed.

Far from my mother’s (probably fictional) one-under-each-arm approach, I have a veritable armory of strollers and carriers to assist me in keeping my nutty kiddo out of the street. Sometimes I simply push them both in the double stroller, but when pressed by a tsunami of fussiness, I’ve resorted to carrying the toddler in an Ergo on my back and the newborn in a sling on my front. That’s 35 pounds of child and let me tell you, it’s not the kind of thing you want to do when you’ve recently spent nine months watching your ab muscles stretch and dissipate.

So now, pushed to my limit, I’ve succumbed to the leash.  Though leashes are seen by some as the ultimate symbol of excessively restrictive parenting, I’ve found the reality to be quite the opposite. It is the perfect compromise for a child who wants to run loose but constantly needs to be yanked out of the road. It is far less restrictive than strapping her into a stroller or carrying her and it has the added bonus of wearing her out. The glaring judgment of strangers is a small price to pay for the marriage of freedom and safety. Also, it’s shaped like a koala and is pretty cute. She loves it; she puts it on herself.

Still, I just might some day spin a yarn about how I hoisted her brother and her, one under each arm, and carried them around (barefoot in the snow and always uphill, natch). It makes a much better story than admitting she drove me bananas and I resorted to walking her on a leash.

JJ Keith is a stay-at-home parent to a prodigiously mischievous toddler daughter and a relatively subdued infant son. She sometimes works as a college writing instructor and periodically takes freelance writing jobs, but she spends most of her time trying to find a balance between respecting her childrens’ budding independence and enforcing the “no eating dog food” rule.

My mother likes to brag that she didn’t even have a stroller when her two eldest children were tiny. My sisters, two years apart, were taken everywhere simply hoisted under my mother’s arms. This raises so many questions. Could strollers have really been that expensive in the late 70s? How did she deal with my oldest sister, who would become a champion of track and field just a few years later, running off? Why didn't my dad carry one of them?

Now I have two small children of my own, the eldest of whom is likely to be a champion of track and field in just a few years. I've spent some time picking apart the assertion that it's possible to take two teeny kids out in public with no strollers or carriers or anyone else to help. Times have changed since the late 70s, much to the detriment of parents. Back then if a kid wandered off in the grocery store a kindly person would probably just help the stray find her parents, but today such a catastrophe would be remedied with a visit from either the police or CPS, and most certainly accompanied by an indignant lecture about the nearly averted abduction. 

But more importantly, all my mom's "ten miles in the snow, barefoot, uphill both ways" stories of childrearing conveniently overlook that her own mother lived just a half mile down the street from my family and my grandmother was a frequent and prodigious babysitter. I can’t personally attest to what my parents did before I was born, but I know that if I drove by grandma’s house on the way to the grocery store I’d always shop alone. It’s rough schlepping two children around, especially since one of them is drawn to busy streets like they were paved with molasses. It was tough taking out my semi-feral toddler when it was just her, but now that there are soft spots to protect and I’m hefting around two different sizes of diapers, the ballgame has changed.

Far from my mother’s (probably fictional) one-under-each-arm approach, I have a veritable armory of strollers and carriers to assist me in keeping my nutty kiddo out of the street. Sometimes I simply push them both in the double stroller, but when pressed by a tsunami of fussiness, I’ve resorted to carrying the toddler in an Ergo on my back and the newborn in a sling on my front. That’s 35 pounds of child and let me tell you, it’s not the kind of thing you want to do when you’ve recently spent nine months watching your ab muscles stretch and dissipate. 

So now, pushed to my limit, I’ve succumbed to the leash.  Though leashes are seen by some as the ultimate symbol of excessively restrictive parenting, I’ve found the reality to be quite the opposite. It is the perfect compromise for a child who wants to run loose but constantly needs to be yanked out of the road. It is far less restrictive than strapping her into a stroller or carrying her and it has the added bonus of wearing her out. The glaring judgment of strangers is a small price to pay for the marriage of freedom and safety. Also, it’s shaped like a koala and is pretty cute. She loves it. She puts it on herself.

Still, I just might some day spin a yarn about how I hoisted her brother and her, one under each arm, and carried them around (barefoot in the snow and always uphill, natch). It makes a much better story than admitting she drove me bananas and I resorted to walking her on a leash.

By Mama M, Contributor, My Little Life (@5CrookedHalos)

Betsy, Contributor, Funky Mama Bird (@funkymamabird)

Two very well-known and widely-read bloggers with both older children and toddlers have recently made statements to the effect that they will not be publishing as much content about their older kids. Their reasons for this announcement varied, with one blogger saying she didn’t want to publicly “label” or “box” her children, and the other saying that her child was requesting more privacy. Both bloggers feel that their toddlers are still fair game, and have announced their intentions to continue blogging about them.

While there is no official Blogging Ethic, many bloggers feel that holding to a similar ethics code as journalists or A Bloggers Code of Ethics makes sense. This code of ethics only addresses children as such, “Show compassion for those who may be affected adversely by Weblog content. Use special sensitivity when dealing with children…”.

As a freelance journalist and writer, as well as a blogger I can’t help but wonder about where that line is. Is it when my child is old enough to understand my actions in blogging, or is it now when he is too young to understand?

My blog, like many personal blogs, is a place for me to record events in my life. Whether I choose to highlight every event, only a few events or to dramatize these events, I blog for myself. Unlike my other writing, I have no editor censoring me, holding me to AP style grammar and questioning if my blog is “on topic” enough.

Since my child is a part of my life, he is a part of my blog. I have publicly discussed his poop, his wheat allergies and his addiction to his sleep sacks. But there are things I haven’t discussed; things that I feel are no one’s business but ours. And I wonder if I’ve drawn the line too vaguely, if by censoring some things and not others I’m doing him a disservice, either by not presenting the whole picture or by presenting any of these things at all.

Like all other parenting decisions that I make, I try to make the ones that I feel most benefit both of us. I need to care for and protect my child, but as the saying goes, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” So I’m conflicted; at times I feel I’ve struck that happy medium between writing for myself, writing uncensored and documenting my life and protecting my child, at other times I wonder if I veer too far in one direction or another.

Should we, as so-called Mommy Bloggers, be forging our own code of ethics? Or is up to us as individuals to strike that balance for ourselves and our families?

I’m interested in hearing your thoughts.

By Shandal, Contributor, My Life In 3D, (@Shandal)

I think many moms who have daughters have the same inner dialogue with themselves as I have had recently.

“I wonder when it would be appropriate to pierce my baby girl’s ears?”

My only daughter is 1 1/2. Quite frankly, I think my little drama queen would FREAK OUT from the pain! I know she would eventually calm down, but would she understand what’s going on?

Will she think that I’m a mean mama for making someone hurt her?

I need to ask myself if I would I really be doing this for her or me.

After much debate, I’ve come to the conclusion that I would want it for myself because I think it would look pretty; it’s not like my daughter has any idea what earrings even are!  I’ve decided that I won’t have her ears pierced until she asks for that herself. That way my daughter knows what’s going on, and knows that it was her choice to have the pain involved with the piercings.

So, what are your thoughts on this controversial topic?  Do you think it’s selfish for a parent to make that decision for their baby, or completely reasonable?