Our Mommyhood

Posts Tagged ‘parenting challenges’

By Kristi, Contributor, Live and Love… Out Loud (@TweetingMama)

Preparing teens for the huge responsibility of driving can be an intimidating and nerve-wracking experience. As a former insurance professional, I spoke to teens at local high schools in my community about the importance of safe driving. It was an exciting opportunity and one that I excelled at, but when it comes to preparing my teenage son for driving I’m a complete mess.

You see, my 15 year old son Andre has ADHD and preparing him for the enormous responsibility of driving a motor vehicle scares me to death.

Jaw Dropping Facts About Teen Drivers with ADHD

According to the Edge Foundation, the statistics surrounding teen drivers with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, otherwise known as ADHD, are jaw dropping.

Compared to other teens, teen drivers with ADHD are…

• Seven times more likely to have been in 2 or more accidents
• Four times as likely to be at fault in the accident
• Four times as likely that those accidents involve injuries
• Twice as likely to receive a speeding ticket
• Five times as likely to receive a traffic citation

And most disturbing of all: “Families of teen drivers with ADHD have a higher risk of serious injury or death of their child.”

Serious injury or death.

I’ve every right to be afraid.

ADHD and Fears

After extensive testing, Andre was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 6. His symptoms include difficulty focusing, following multi-step directions and processing information quickly. He’s easily distracted, fidgets and is almost always in motion. At times, Andre is also impulsive and acts without any regard for the consequences. His symptoms are managed on a daily basis through the use of medication and a lot of hard work on Andre’s part in maintaining self-control. But despite the success he continues to experience through the use of medication, Andre’s challenges with focusing and impulsiveness remain.

Along with my fears.

The ADHD teen driving statistics don’t lie. They’re incredibly sobering and downright terrifying. Even more terrifying is the fact that the same set of skills that are required to make one a safe driver are the same skills that have been affected by Andre’s ADHD: ability to focus, plan ahead and follow through and remaining on task.

What if Andre can’t react quickly and defensively to avoid an accident? What if he makes lane changes without looking for an all-clear beforehand? What if he becomes distracted by the muscle car riding alongside him? What if the bird flying overhead catches and holds his attention in bumper to bumper traffic? What if…

The fears and “what ifs” are many, but one thing is certain: Driving is a life skill that Andre needs in order to live on his own someday.

Preparing Teenagers for Driving Despite the Challenges of ADHD

Teenagers with ADHD have an additional set of challenges to overcome when learning to drive. Teaching teens like Andre to overcome and work through those challenges is a huge undertaking and plays an essential role in establishing safe driving practices.

Here are a few important steps that parents of teens with ADHD should consider:

Determine whether or not your child is mature enough for the responsibility of driving. When it comes to teens withe ADHD, maturity level is far more important than legal driving age.

NEVER allow your ADHD teen to drive without medication. Ever. An additional dose may be necessary for late night driving, though late night driving should only be allowed once the driver is experienced enough.

Talk with your teen about the challenges he’s experienced while driving. For instance, ask him about any distractions that may have come up during his drive. Helping him identify some of those challenges and triggers is important in creating self-awareness.

Establish driving rules:

1. Driving should be restricted to necessary trips.
2. Radio and cell phones should remain powered off while driving so as to avoid distraction. Cell phones should only be used when vehicle is off.
3. Passengers should be prohibited until your teen has adequate experience.

Creating incentives, establishing rules and guidelines and acting as your child’s ally are all important things to consider when preparing your ADHD teen for driving. With encouragement, guidance and lots of practice, your teen will be well on his way to becoming a safe driver.

Letting Go

In spite of the “what ifs”, the horrible statistics and my crippling fears, I’m determined to provide my son with the opportunities and life skills he’ll need in order to lead a productive and successful life on his own someday. Preparing Andre for driving is one of the many challenges I’ll continue to face as the mother of a teen with ADHD.

Tomorrow it’ll be something else, but today I’m letting go. I’m letting go of my fears and preparing my ADHD teen for the huge responsibility and privilege of driving.

What are some of the challenges you’ve faced while teaching your teen to drive? Are there any safe driving tips you could offer to parents of teens with ADHD?

Kristi is navigating her way through the triumphs and challenges of motherhood and marriage while living it up, loving out loud and laughing it off at Live and Love…Out Loud.

By Mama M., Staff Writer, My Little Life (@5CrookedHalos)

I often get asked, when out with my brood, “How do you do it?!” At which point I want to sit that person down, get out an anatomy book and explain, “Well, you see, when two people love each other sometimes they hold one another in a very special way…”

*snort*

Okay, but really, I do get asked that a lot and while I maintain that I would take my 5 kids (and husband) all together ANY day, over just one or two alone, I do have a few tips I thought I’d share with you.

Get out your paper and pencils; you’re gonna wanna write this down.

There. Now you feel all prepared to conquer your next outing with your kids, don’t you? (Don’t you?)

You’re welcome.

By Mama Michie, Staff Writer, Mama Michie’s Musings (@MamaMichie)

Before the kids came along, Ray and I would have date nights almost every weekend. We almost always went out to eat on Friday nights and spent most Saturdays and Sundays either riding around on the Harley or just going out and doing something.

While I love both of my children more than I could ever imagine, I miss the time that I was able to spend alone with my husband… just the two of us. Sure we get some alone time for a few hours (if we’re lucky) after the children go to bed at night, but it’s not the same. I want to be able to go out and have fun with him the way that we used to prior to having our two rug rats.

It has been months since the last time Ray and I have been out together alone. The last day that Ray and I had a few hours to ourselves was back in July, and it was our 2 year anniversary. We drove 1 ½ hours so that my mom could watch the kids while Ray and I went out. We went to Ikea, then to see Toy Story 3 and ended our date with dinner at Olive Garden. Nothing fancy, but it was fun.

We didn’t have to make sure that a little 3 foot tall ball of energy was running to places he shouldn’t in the store. We were able to sit and watch a whole movie at the theater, something we wouldn’t have been able to do with Noah. We were able to just sit and relax at dinner, we could talk without being interrupted and we could eat without having to rush or feed someone else first. It was pure bliss and I loved every minute of it.

I would also love to be able to do that again. The problem is though that we have no family that lives close by that would watch the children and we don’t know many people where we live, at least none that I would trust with my children.

So until we are able to find someone to watch our two little ones, Ray and I will just have to make do with the time that we have together while they are sleeping, and dream of the day when we can go out again, just the two of us.

How often do you get alone time with your husband? Do you use sitters or rely on family?

By JJ Keith, Contributor, JJust Kidding (@jj_keith)

My mother likes to brag that she didn’t even have a stroller when her two eldest children were tiny. My sisters, two years apart, were taken everywhere simply hoisted under my mother’s arms. This raises so many questions: Could strollers have really been that expensive in the late 70s? How did she deal with my oldest sister, who would become a champion of track and field just a few years later, running off? Why didn’t my dad carry one of them?

Now I have two small children of my own, the eldest of whom is likely to be a champion of track and field in just a few years. I’ve spent some time picking apart the assertion that it’s possible to take two teeny kids out in public with no strollers or carriers or anyone else to help. Times have changed since the late 70s, much to the detriment of parents. Back then if a kid wandered off in the grocery store a kindly person would probably just help the stray find her parents, but today such a catastrophe would be remedied with a visit from either the police or CPS, and most certainly accompanied by an indignant lecture about the nearly averted abduction.

But more importantly, all my mom’s “ten miles in the snow, barefoot, uphill both ways” stories of child-rearing conveniently overlook that her own mother lived just a half mile down the street from my family and my grandmother was a frequent and prodigious babysitter. I can’t personally attest to what my parents did before I was born, but I know that if I drove by grandma’s house on the way to the grocery store I’d always shop alone. It’s rough schlepping two children around, especially since one of them is drawn to busy streets like they were paved with molasses. It was tough taking out my semi-feral toddler when it was just her, but now that there are soft spots to protect and I’m hefting around two different sizes of diapers, the ballgame has changed.

Far from my mother’s (probably fictional) one-under-each-arm approach, I have a veritable armory of strollers and carriers to assist me in keeping my nutty kiddo out of the street. Sometimes I simply push them both in the double stroller, but when pressed by a tsunami of fussiness, I’ve resorted to carrying the toddler in an Ergo on my back and the newborn in a sling on my front. That’s 35 pounds of child and let me tell you, it’s not the kind of thing you want to do when you’ve recently spent nine months watching your ab muscles stretch and dissipate.

So now, pushed to my limit, I’ve succumbed to the leash.  Though leashes are seen by some as the ultimate symbol of excessively restrictive parenting, I’ve found the reality to be quite the opposite. It is the perfect compromise for a child who wants to run loose but constantly needs to be yanked out of the road. It is far less restrictive than strapping her into a stroller or carrying her and it has the added bonus of wearing her out. The glaring judgment of strangers is a small price to pay for the marriage of freedom and safety. Also, it’s shaped like a koala and is pretty cute. She loves it; she puts it on herself.

Still, I just might some day spin a yarn about how I hoisted her brother and her, one under each arm, and carried them around (barefoot in the snow and always uphill, natch). It makes a much better story than admitting she drove me bananas and I resorted to walking her on a leash.

JJ Keith is a stay-at-home parent to a prodigiously mischievous toddler daughter and a relatively subdued infant son. She sometimes works as a college writing instructor and periodically takes freelance writing jobs, but she spends most of her time trying to find a balance between respecting her childrens’ budding independence and enforcing the “no eating dog food” rule.

My mother likes to brag that she didn’t even have a stroller when her two eldest children were tiny. My sisters, two years apart, were taken everywhere simply hoisted under my mother’s arms. This raises so many questions. Could strollers have really been that expensive in the late 70s? How did she deal with my oldest sister, who would become a champion of track and field just a few years later, running off? Why didn't my dad carry one of them?

Now I have two small children of my own, the eldest of whom is likely to be a champion of track and field in just a few years. I've spent some time picking apart the assertion that it's possible to take two teeny kids out in public with no strollers or carriers or anyone else to help. Times have changed since the late 70s, much to the detriment of parents. Back then if a kid wandered off in the grocery store a kindly person would probably just help the stray find her parents, but today such a catastrophe would be remedied with a visit from either the police or CPS, and most certainly accompanied by an indignant lecture about the nearly averted abduction. 

But more importantly, all my mom's "ten miles in the snow, barefoot, uphill both ways" stories of childrearing conveniently overlook that her own mother lived just a half mile down the street from my family and my grandmother was a frequent and prodigious babysitter. I can’t personally attest to what my parents did before I was born, but I know that if I drove by grandma’s house on the way to the grocery store I’d always shop alone. It’s rough schlepping two children around, especially since one of them is drawn to busy streets like they were paved with molasses. It was tough taking out my semi-feral toddler when it was just her, but now that there are soft spots to protect and I’m hefting around two different sizes of diapers, the ballgame has changed.

Far from my mother’s (probably fictional) one-under-each-arm approach, I have a veritable armory of strollers and carriers to assist me in keeping my nutty kiddo out of the street. Sometimes I simply push them both in the double stroller, but when pressed by a tsunami of fussiness, I’ve resorted to carrying the toddler in an Ergo on my back and the newborn in a sling on my front. That’s 35 pounds of child and let me tell you, it’s not the kind of thing you want to do when you’ve recently spent nine months watching your ab muscles stretch and dissipate. 

So now, pushed to my limit, I’ve succumbed to the leash.  Though leashes are seen by some as the ultimate symbol of excessively restrictive parenting, I’ve found the reality to be quite the opposite. It is the perfect compromise for a child who wants to run loose but constantly needs to be yanked out of the road. It is far less restrictive than strapping her into a stroller or carrying her and it has the added bonus of wearing her out. The glaring judgment of strangers is a small price to pay for the marriage of freedom and safety. Also, it’s shaped like a koala and is pretty cute. She loves it. She puts it on herself.

Still, I just might some day spin a yarn about how I hoisted her brother and her, one under each arm, and carried them around (barefoot in the snow and always uphill, natch). It makes a much better story than admitting she drove me bananas and I resorted to walking her on a leash.

By Signe, Staff Writer, My Baby Clothes Boutique

Parents have a hard time letting go and watching their children blossom into independent individuals.  Schools are supposed to be the place for this lesson.  But, what isn’t covered in the parenting manual is how do we protect our children from bullying in schools.  Bullies have been around forever, this is not a new subject.  However the tools for this abuse have extended the reach and affect on our children.  Today many suicides have been linked to some type of bullying behavior.  Why?  What can we do to protect our children?

The definition of bullying is the intentional and repeated harm of someone weaker by a person or group. How can you prepare your child to effectively cope with bullying in all of its forms, at any point in the school day?  Use these three strategies to teach your favorite student to how to maintain his power in difficult peer relationships:

Reach Out!

A bully’s main objective is to make his victim feel alone and powerless; make sure your child knows that it is his job to create awareness about any bullying that is occurring – especially the under-the-radar, out-of-the-classroom behavior that teachers do not see or hear.

Help your child to realize that this is exactly what the bully wants him to think, if your child worries that the bullying will worsen if he “tattles.”  A bully begins to lose power he or she realizes that he or she will not be able to keep a victim isolated — that the victim is indeed strong enough to reach out and connect with others.

Respond Promptly!

The longer a bully has power over a victim, the stronger the hold becomes.  Oftentimes, bullying begins with minor name calling or teasing, but escalates when a bully realizes that his victim will not fight back.  Name calling turns into online humiliation.  Teasing becomes social exclusion.  Threats of violence are realized and your child finds himself in real physical danger.  Teach your child that taking action sooner rather than later is the best way to keep a bully at bay.

Reinforce Your Words!

Practice using body language that sends a clear message when coaching your child about how to resist bullying.  Use role-play to teach these simple, non-verbal strategies that indicate to a bully that your child means what he says:

•    Maintain eye contact
•    Keep your voice calm and even
•    Stand an appropriate distance from the bully
•    Use the bully’s name when speaking to him

Teach your child that looking away, raising his voice, crying, or shrinking back are all dead giveaways that the bully has gotten to him.

The school year is here and bully behavior is surely back in session as well.  Teach your child strategies for resisting bully behavior.  Fortify your best student with the kind of personal power that no bully wants to bully.

Signe Whitson is a child therapist for over 10 years. She coauthored The Angry Smile: The Psychology of Passive Aggressive Behavior in Families, Schools, and Workplaces. She provides her advice to a baby clothes boutique to give back to parents to help protect children. My Baby Clothes Boutique cares about their customers and listens to what they want for their children.