Our Mommyhood

Posts Tagged ‘new mom struggles’

By Julia, Staff Writer, It’s Not Like a Cat (@notlikeacat)

Ow. Shoulders, arms, back: hurt. Abs: moderately sore. Legs: hard to say; I can’t tell if they are more tired than sore. Returning to the gym full-force after a long hiatus is hard, and the road in front of me looks like one long uphill.

The summer I got pregnant with Max – now a toddler – I raced in two sprint triathlons, a 100-mile relay running race, a 24-hour mountain bike race and was commuting by bicycle more than 100 miles per week to work. (I also got married; you could say it was a busy summer.) I ran through all 41 weeks of that pregnancy and kept on running, and I tried to keep biking as much as possible. I thought for sure that I’d run through my second pregnancy, too.

Not so. I trained for a half marathon early in the pregnancy, tearing a hip muscle a week before race day. That race was out. I recovered and ran a half marathon in February, as I entered my third trimester. And then a month later I badly injured my knee. Running was over, at least until I gave birth and could get an MRI and surgery.

I’ve always felt a little self-conscious in the male-dominated weight room at the gym. Try going in there enormously pregnant, on crutches, wearing a hot pink top – the only workout shirt that still fit me. Weight lifting was all I could do for the remainder of the pregnancy.

After Ben was born, I wasn’t able to get to the gym very often, due to our family’s schedule and I couldn’t just go for a run because I had knee surgery about six weeks after I had Ben (talk about putting the “fun” in “postpartum”!). My surgeon told me to wait three full months before running again. Needless to say, my body does not look the way it used to.

I’ve been meaning to work out harder as I recover from surgery and we all get a handle on this two-child lifestyle, but inactivity is a slippery slope and I’ve been sliding down it fast.

Then FedEx dropped off a little package. Two shirts I’m supposed to be testing for a company I occasionally test gear for. Two shirts that I am required to work out in at least four times per week for the next four weeks. It was just the kick in the (softer, less-toned) butt that I needed to return to the gym – not just to test the shirts, but to get myself back in running shape after what will end up being six months off. Six months.

The first workout left me sore. The second one, sweaty but exhilarated as I discovered that I’m finally able to get through a whole spinning class with minimal knee pain. My body – softer, rounder, tighter in my clothes, out of breath faster – is taking a little getting used to. It will take a lot of work and motivation to get it back to its formerly fit shape.

But I know one day I will see my abs again, and more importantly, will be racing again. Even a local 5K would be thrilling: the crowd of runners, the excitement, pushing myself hard.

Thanksgiving Turkey Trot, I’ve got my eye on you.

By Tonya, Guest Writer, Letters for Lucas

My son is turning one in a few days and that just seems crazy! Where did this year go? 365 days… poof, gone! Most days felt like an absolute eternity, while others simply flashed right before my eyes.

I think I’m still in complete denial that I’m someone’s mommy, that I even have a son; and honestly, I can’t believe I made it this far.

My son, Lucas is amazing and I love him more than words can say. He is the best thing I have ever done and he has changed my world in so many positive ways. He is growing and flourishing in ways that are beyond awesome to witness and he truly is a blessing, on the other hand, I am feeling lost in my attempt to figure out what it means to be “Mommy”.

I know I don’t have to tell you, because you are all smart women and undoubtedly have WAY more mommy experience than I do, but THIS IS TOUGH.

Way tougher than I ever thought.

Being a stay at home mom is hard work, and I’m not just talking about the physical labor part (making bottles, changing diapers, doing mounds of laundry, etc.), I’m referring to the emotional part, which for me has been the most challenging thing I have ever had to confront in my life. It scares me to death to think that I am only one year into it.

I feel like I lost everything when I had a baby; my independence, my freedom, my humility, my personal time and space, hours upon hours of sleep and some days, even my sanity. In just one short year, motherhood has already pushed me further than I ever thought I could go physically or mentally.

Perhaps I’m a selfish person, perhaps, I wasn’t quite mentally prepared to have a child. I thought I was, but there is A LOT that people don’t tell you about becoming a mother…

First and foremost, being a mom really sucks the life out of you. It’s exhausting and, again I’m not referring to the work part of the role, but the being “on” ALL THE TIME and if for one moment you’re not, the tremendous guilt that you feel. By the way, what is it with all the guilt?

Secondly, I didn’t know that my relationships would suffer once I became a mother, particularly the one with my son’s father. We are a great team and have somehow muddled through this first year together, but marriage definitely changes once you have a baby. It really is a wonder to me that siblings are even born because that little life sucker uses everything in his power to keep his dad and I apart day and night.

Whenever we happen to have any free time together (thank goodness for babysitters and family members), I want it all to myself, even though I know that I should be spending it getting reacquainted with my husband. After all, he helped me make this beautiful baby and I love him for it, but days go by and sometimes our only conversations are about our son; the latest cutest thing he’s done, his food intake, poop outtake or further insight into his needs and how we are or aren’t meeting them. I know with time, we will find our way. I should note that since we’ve had Lucas, we have had some of the best date nights.

The greatest part about motherhood is that I also feel like I gained everything when I had a baby. I have so much more self-confidence, patience and strength I never knew I possessed, love in my life and pride in my soul. I love being Lucas’ mother and I’m very excited about what lies ahead and where my mommy journey will take me.

After a year in, I know now that a lot of this first time mommy stuff really can’t be shared with you before you have a child, you have to learn on your own, right smack dap in the line of fire. Here’s to us, surviving our first year and a very happy first birthday, Lucas!