Our Mommyhood

Posts Tagged ‘girl time’

By Signe, Staff Writer, My Baby Clothes Boutique

One of the greatest gifts my daughter received this year was a subscription to an online magazine – New Moon Girls Online. The mission of this magazine is to help young girls discover and honor their true selves.

I first discovered New Moon Girls (and their sister website, Daughters.com) about 18 months ago when I was writing an article about helping mothers and daughters overcome passive aggressive conflicts. Not only did I find the site to be the perfect home for my article; more importantly, I found it to be exactly the type of online community (and magazine!) that I had dreamed of for my daughters.

As the mother of a daughter who is just old enough to know how to navigate the internet on her own (yet thankfully still young enough to ask me before she visits new sites), I have already experienced the sinking feeling of sitting with a seven-year old as she clicks through diet-ads, beauty-obsessed headlines and scantily-clad teen idols. Though I try to tell myself that this is content she will be exposed to in her everyday life and that I can’t shield her from it, it is also so amazingly, refreshingly, relieving-ly nice to know that engaging, exciting alternatives do exist, both online and in print. For us, New Moon Girls is that alternate, and preferred, reality.

New Moon Girls Online and New Moon Girls Magazine provides a place for girls ages 8-12 (or younger; my 7-year old is already a big fan!) to express themselves through poetry, artwork and videos. In a fully-moderated, educational environment whose top priority is to foster self-esteem and promote positive body images, New Moon girls can chat together, learn from one another and honor who they are.

New Moon Girls is completely advertisement free. Its award-winning content is supported entirely by subscriptions, both to the site and to its bi-monthly magazine. Once girls become New Moon members, they benefit from having access to the great content submitted by their peers and also gain the opportunity to submit their own creative contributions for publication.  Where else can a typical tween girl see her own writing, art or music published? What a self-esteem building opportunity!

I can’t say enough about New Moon Girls, but I can share the site with you and let you know that free trials for online membership are available and magazine sample issues are provided on the site for you to browse as you consider a gift subscription. While you are there, check out Nancy Gruver’s story of how she came to found New Moon Girls Online. I think you will be as inspired as I was; I know your daughters will be!

Signe Whitson, LSW is a child therapist and a master trainer for the Life Space Crisis Institute.  Her blog the Passive Aggressive Diaries was created to be a resource for helping deal with passive aggressive relationships.  Her ideas and tips for bringing families together are shared by My Baby Clothes Boutique – they specialize in tutus with matching baby headbands and adorable baby clothes.

By Mama M., Staff Writer, My Little Life (@5crookedhalos)

I love my family. More than anything on earth, I love my family. But you know what?

By Betsy, Contributor, Funky Mama Bird, (@funkymamabird)

I’ve never really had trouble making friends. I’ve met people in school, in work, at the gym. I’ve even made some friends through blogging that became Real Life friends. So I’m not sure exactly what happened, but somehow after I had my son I stopped making friends easily. Part of it is the gap between my old friends and me now. Most of them are childless or have older kids; there isn’t anyone in the got-to-get-home-for-that-nap-or-all-hell-breaks-loose phase, so we don’t relate well anymore. More than likely, part of it is also the fact that I no longer hang out in coffee shops and attend concerts regularly. I mean, it was a lot easier to project an image of Funky Single Girl than it’s become to project Funky Mama with Toddler in Tow. Sure we’re all at the same playground, but not because we chose it for the height of the foam on the lattes, or the abstract art on the walls. And while I’m all about my son making some friends, he’s not at an age where I can drop him off at a friend’s house and go do my own thing. So if he’s hanging with a buddy, chances are I’m hanging with the mom. So I’d really rather make some friends with whom I have things in common, including a toddler, rather than the other way around.

I also know I’m not alone in this. I’ve read tons of blog entries about the making of Mom friends and how hard it is. I’ve even heard one mom go so far as to say she’s contemplating whacking some women over the head and dragging them home with her, she’s so desperate.

So here’s what I’m thinking; we put out some personal ads for Mom friends. Sort of like dating ads, only aimed at other moms. This way, we can weed through potential friends from the comfort of our living rooms and sweat pants without having to drag our kids off to yet another playground while we stand on the fringes of a mom group hoping to find a way in.

Here’s how I think mine would go:

Funky Mama Seeks Friend for Play Dates and Drink Nights

Do you enjoy romping through the splash pad at the park? Perhaps letting your hair down at the bar to gripe about how your husband got out of changing yet another dirty diaper? Maybe you have a child in the toddler age range?

I am the mother of a toddler and enjoy outings at the park, tattoos, SpongeBob and stiff drinks. I’m looking to meet another mom who would enjoy joining us on our outings, or dancing the night away while our husbands stay home with the sleeping tots. Perhaps you’re into extended babywearing, or you know all the words to the Gummie Bears theme song? Whatever your interest, we’d love to meet you at the swings some Saturday afternoon.

Serious inquiries only – we are looking for lasting friendships.

Think it will work? I mean, I’m not above clubbing someone over the head if need be, but I thought a gentler approach might be a better first step. After all, it might be kind of hard to get to know someone if she’s unconscious on your floor and bleeding from her ear. Although think what a conversation starter that would be!

By My Baby Sweetness, Guest Writer

I admitted this on my blog and now I’ll admit it here too.  It’s true – I’ve started dating.  And my husband… he knows…  Now I could go down the path of saying he’s ok with it because I’m dating women now, but I won’t (that didn’t count!).  I’m dating moms now – I’m play dating.

And let me say – I think it’s worse than the first time around…  Although there are so many parallels.  I started out play dating the way I dated – just thinking that I could hang out and let “mother nature” take her course.  But after a period I realized – I’m actually supposed to be an active participant in this process!  Who knew?

So I tried to the bar type pickups – only there are a new “singles” bars for the play dateless Mom – they’re the crying room at church, the park, the play area at the mall (brace yourself for that one!  It’s sort of like going to a theme bar…), the library or Chick-Fil-A (like the martini bar of this era of my life… apparently).

I tried the “8 minute” dating options – established Moms playgroups through church or that I heard about from friends.

I tried online dating – looking for Moms meetup groups, area playgroups, well anything!

And the truth is – this is not as easy as it looks.  When I was not a Mom, probably even when I was pregnant, I would see Moms together with their kids at the park and I figured everyone was totally open and welcoming and that the park was a great big meet and greet.  Now that I’m bringing my 15 month old there, I find that there’s a big range, but most people pretty much want to hang out with the people they came with (my husband tells me it’s much worse when he brings her and is the only Dad there – they really shy away from him).  I saw one woman at the park with her son who played “near” my daughter for quite awhile (they’re babies – they don’t play together per se).  A day or two later I happened to run into her at a Moms group and mentioned – oh, hey, we sort of met before!  You were at the park, right? The look on her face said, oh my God, stalker lady!

The truth is I’m finding so many of the same types of mismatches I found in dating.  Like when I was in my early 20’s and talking to a guy at the bar who suddenly realized I was 10 years younger than him and he fled.  Or around that same age when a friend set me up with a guy she was sure wasn’t much older than me who turned out to be 40 (and not a well kept 40 either.  I was a young looking 23 and he looked closer to 50.  We were both fairly skeeved.)  But now instead, I’ll meet a Mom and we’ll get along until we realize her kids are all in school and my daughter is only 15 months – so much for that play date.

There have been a few decent matches and I’ve STARTED to make friends, but it is not an easy road.  Among other things, Moms groups are incredibly hard to break into.  I’m not sure if the Moms with older kids just feel like the other moms with kids the same age are a better match up for their kids; are more likely to understand where they are; or they’ve known them forever and are established friends.  But the truth is – it starts to feel really cliquey!

But, in my time in the trenches of my new dating status, I have found a few good places to look:

1. the library
2. the park
3. kids classes – the free ones are my favorite… usually at the library!
4. Moms groups – through meetup, yahoo groups, the community
5. the crying room at church

I am definitely still struggling (and appreciate any other thoughts/suggestions), but I’ve found through my wonderful blogging community that – thank God! – I am not the only one.  I am not just repellant!  This is actually some hard work!

Please comment with any of your suggestions or mommy dating war stories!