Our Mommyhood

Posts Tagged ‘baby’

by Honey B, Contributor, The Honey B (@thehoneyb)

Today I was thinking about all the reasons why I want to wait and finish the Baby Bucket List before I get pregnant.

Part of it is just wanting to feel prepared, and get some things off my plate before I take on the monumental task of motherhood. But another part of it is the paranoid part of me that is afraid that I’ll get pregnant, and then think whoa, did I really even want kids? The fear that I would resent my children for impeding my ability to do, well anything really- go on a trip, sleep, having a clean house, have the body I did before I got pregnant- what if I get into it and its not what I wanted it to be?

The blogosphere is positively brimming with posts about Mom’s who say motherhood was harder than they expected, not what they expected, and that its SO much harder than they expected. Wow. That is some scary shit. These are women who were ecstatic about getting pregnant- some after months or years of trying to conceive- and are feeling like they were dealt a really unexpected blow when motherhood isn’t all sunshine and happiness. Every expecting mother says they anticipate that it won’t always be easy and there will be rough days, but I’m starting to wonder if there isn’t some kind of self-delusion going on. The kind of delusion where we think I am different and I will be the perfect mother and I will be completely fulfilled by this life I have chosen and not loving being a mother every hour of every day is akin to not loving my child. Omg, did someone spike the Koolaid?? Where did the perfection requirement enter into this?!

I will admit I don’t understand a lot of what makes Mommies want to be perfect. I think about the choices I’ve made in life, like being married. Before I got married, I knew that it wasn’t going to be fun every day, and that there will be days when the single life seems like that’s where it’s really at. And of course, actually living it is far more in your face and unhappy than what you imagine before you’re married. But when the first fight happens and you have a rough day in marriage land, do I feel like being a wife is a mistake? No, I don’t! I think it’s a crappy day and I really hope that I like him more tomorrow.

Perfection wasn’t ever part of the equation when I thought about married life on a daily basis. In today’s society, there is a 50/50 chance of the marriage ending in divorce. That’s a pretty gruesome rate, and aren’t we thankful that it parenthood doesn’t have statistics like that? And yet we act as though anything less than perfect motherhood isn’t acceptable. Much like the choice to breastfeed or have a natural delivery or any other hot-button issue that Mommies get nasty about, its all about providing the best for your children. But sometimes, I think Mommies need to just cut themselves some slack.

But the old adage holds true, easier said than done…and I worry that I won’t be happy once I take the plunge.

What do you think?

By Jenny, Guest Writer, Happenings of a Little Bubba (@bubsymomma)

I don’t know about you but I tried to maintain a level of fitness throughout my pregnancy with my son.  As a fitness professional, I had to.  I even taught Pilates and Kick Boxing tell my 9th month of pregnancy.  I think it is key to continue to exercising so that when it is time to get back into shape after baby, you can do it a whole lot easier!

Exercising in the postpartum period is a way to help you get back into shape and stay healthy for your baby and yourself. Many of us moms want to know when we can start exercising after giving birth. The general advice from most physicians and midwives is to wait 6-8 weeks before really getting into a fitness routine.

I have to agree with this rule of thumb.  I remember when I started getting back into Pilates after my son it was about 5 weeks out.  I did a move that required a lot of abdominal strength and was disappointed when I wasn’t able to do it and that it felt kind of weird.  By weird I mean my uterus was still shrinking and I should have WAITED.

You may be asked to wait longer or hold back a bit if you have had a cesarean section or an operative vaginal delivery (with forceps or vacuum extraction). Your doctor or midwife can give you specifics on your personal time line for exercise. Ideally, this bar on strenuous fitness will not hamper your efforts to move.

Movement is perfect and should begin within hours after you give birth, even if you required surgery. We know that moms who move after birth do tend to heal more quickly and feel better sooner than their less active counterparts. This doesn’t mean jog around the block, but it does mean getting up and moving around your hospital room or in your home. Even after surgery or after an epidural, you can begin to walk with assistance in just a few hours. Though the first few attempts may be painful – overall, the movement is good.

I do not recommend a fitness routine, but a daily brief walk after the first week or two is perfect. Watch for over doing it, which as I told you above, I did.  If you were exercising prior to pregnancy, you may feel more of a need to get out and get going. On a limited basis, some doctors will give you the go ahead. You might be asked to do modified yoga versus aerobics, but stretching and gentle movements are fine.

Just remember that your body is still adjusting to its non-pregnant state. You will have your center of balance shifting again, the hormones of pregnancy will continue to make your joints a bit softer and then you have just the feeling of exhaustion that can accompany any birth.

Here are some rules that I followed and recommend that you follow post baby….
•    Wait until you’re given the go ahead
•    Start with small bits of exercise
•    Slowly work your way back into a fitness routine
•    Stop exercising if you have pain, increased bleeding or you just don’t feel comfortable
•    Think slow and gentle at first

Jenny/Certified Personal Trainer and Mommy Blogger

by Brook , Contributor, babyandsofia (@babyandsofia)

When I was pregnant, I had big ideas and big plans on mothering.  I read every baby book out there; I wanted to be informed and prepared. My baby was going to be on a strict feeding schedule from day one. I was not going to introduce any solids (including rice cereal) until exactly six months of age. He was going to sleep in his crib every night.  And be on a perfect sleep/nap schedule.  You get the idea.

Predictably, my plan did not exactly work out.

I was able to keep some semblance of a feeding schedule. But only because Paolo was an excellent nurser from the moment he was born.  (I was very lucky, I know.)

When he was about four and a half months old and waking up to eat a lot every night, the pediatrician told me that Paolo was hungry, and I should probably start giving him some rice cereal as “desert.”  I couldn’t believe it, I mean, everyone-including the AAP, says to wait until the baby is six months old.  Aghast, I waited about two weeks, until exhaustion beat my stubborn streak causing me to break down and feed him the cereal. He loved it, of course. And I got a little more sleep every night.

And as for sleeping in the crib every night: HA! Against ALL ADVICE, I would bring Paolo into bed with me on the nights he woke for a 3am feeding.  I mean, this way he can nurse and we can both sleep. Call me crazy, but I thought it was glorious.  And eight months later, I still do.

One thing that I have never worked out is regular a nap schedule. The best I have ever been able to do recognize when my baby is growing sleepy and start my naptime routine.  Which basically includes a diaper change and a nursing session.  He usually goes down two times per day, but sometimes one and sometimes three.

I have never been able to just put him down and wait for him to fall asleep when he was not ready for a nap.  Mostly because I have never, ever let Paolo “cry it out.”  I know this is a hot topic for parents everywhere, but I simply cannot let my baby cry.  Lucky for me, Paolo is a very happy baby and rarely cries.  But, this method does not lend itself to a regular nap schedule.

As a stay at home mom with only one child, I can afford to have unscheduled naptime.  I don’t have any chores that need to be done at a certain time everyday and I don’t have any other children that need my attention. At least not yet. And my baby is a happy, rested, flexible child.  He doesn’t have to be in his bed to fall asleep.  Any crib, bed, car seat, or stroller works just fine for his naptime.  I love that I am not a slave to his sleep schedule.

So genre of naptime is best? Scheduled or unsche duled?

Despite what I had always imagined, I think that unscheduled naptime is the best. I am happy and so is my baby. We will have to see how I feel when I have more than one little guy to manage, but for now, this works just fine.

What works best for you? Any nap tips to share?

(picture source)

By Cori, Guest Writer, Cori’s Big Mouth (@cori_shelley)

Hi!  My name is Cori and I am so excited to be a guest writer, especially because I’m not a mommy!  So you may be wondering why am I writing a post for a mommy blog?  I’m here to share my story as a nanny, a nanny to triplets at that!  There are so many options available for childcare today that often leave parents unsure of what’s best for them, I’m here to try and clear up some confusion and answer any questions you may have.  So without, further ado….

My story begins, or at least as a childcare provider, 11 years ago, at the tender age of 13.  I was hired as a mother’s helper to 6 month old triplet girls.  I went over to my neighbor’s house every Saturday morning for a couple hours to give the parents a break to sleep, run quick errands and get chores done.  I started nannying for the triplets every weekday afternoon from 2:15pm-6pm a couple of years later.  During that time I learned how much fun it was to care for multiples; there is always, always, always something going on, someone getting in trouble and something to be done!  It was through this job that my name started bouncing around the multiples birth circuit and since then I have nannied and/or babysat for 5 sets of twins, 8 sets of triplets, a set of quadruplets and even a set of quintuplets!

The past three years I have spent with a family who has boy/boy/girl triplets and an older sister.  I was hired before they were born and helped the family prepare for the arrival of three babies.  The babies were born at 33 weeks and I had the amazing opportunity during the month they spent in the NICU to visit them, hold them and spend time with them before they came home a month after their birth.  It’s now been three years since those early days and we’re right smack in the middle of potty training (1 down, 2 to go!); fun times at this house!

So now that you know a little about my background, here are some important things to be aware of prior to making a child care decision.

•    Nanny: A nanny is no longer only available to the wealthy; they are now becoming an option for many families!  A nanny is someone who will come to your home and care for your children in their own environment.  There are many different types of nannies, old or young, live-in or live-out and it’s up to the parents to decide what type of nanny is right for their family.  Many people hire an older nanny hoping to find someone who has had experience as a mom and can share that with the kids they care for.  Whereas a younger nanny may have less experience, but more energy to keep up and more willing to do things “your” way!

The question I get most often is if I ever get “me” time?  The answer to that is YES; I am a live-out nanny, I work from 9am-6pm and at 6pm, I’m walking out the door!  There are nannies who live-in and have their own personal space with certain hours they work.  A live-in nanny normally makes less money in exchange for housing.

Many nannies are asked to also help with housework, laundry and running errands.  Different nanny positions I’ve held, I’ve had different responsibilities.  With my current job, I keep the kids laundry going, clean up after the kids during the day and try to have the dishes done!  Some days I’m better at getting that all done than others!

•    Babysitter: A babysitter is the person who most of you all are probably the most familiar with.  She is someone who comes over occasionally to watch your kids for a few hours while you and your husband go out for an evening on the town.  They come over and play with your children, but normally have no other responsibilities, such as chores, running errands, etc.

•    Mothers Helper: What mom doesn’t want some extra help with the kids to get work done?  A mother’s helper is the answer to that question.  There are many girls (10-13 years old) who want to babysit, but are not old enough to really babysit yet, they would love to come over a couple days a week for a few hours and entertain and play with your kids.  I’m not saying leave your kids home alone with the helper, but to give you time to get things done around the house and catch-up!  These girls are really excited to help; it’s a great opportunity for the helper and a lot of help for you!  I started out as a mother’s helper and learned so much

•    Nanny-Share: A nanny share is just as it sounds, you and a friend share a nanny.  This is a great option for a family who wants a nanny but may not be able to afford one on their own.  You get to have a nanny for half the price.  Another plus, is your child(ren) get to grow up with friend!

I wanted to answer a couple of questions I got from my readers on my personal experience as a nanny.  If you have any further questions for me, whether about nannying or watching multiples, I’d be happy to answer!  Just leave a comment with the question and I’ll address a few of them in my next entry!

•    How do you manage time with that many kidlets of the same age?
Ahhhh, time management!  With triplets you learn early on that the best thing to do is keep the kids on the same strict schedule.  I fed three at once, changed three at once, put three down for a nap at once.  As they got older the same scenario is in effect but changes a bit…we do a lot more outings, visit the zoo, children’s museum, story time at the library and park often.  We still stick to that schedule pretty closely, just alter as need be!  I run the kids ragged in the morning, so when 1pm comes around, its naptime and I get a two hour break to either sit or relax or catch-up on chores.  I think people would be surprised to realize that triplets really aren’t that difficult, it just takes organization and routine…oh yes, and doing things three times!

•    Do nannies answer honestly if a parent says to them, “How was my child today?”
As a nanny I strive to uphold my duty to my “parents”, to treat and care for their children as they would.  I work with the parents to set-up structure, rules and schedules that we can all live with.  The most important thing between a nanny and their employer is communication!  The more open you are with your childcare provider, the easier it will be for everyone!  I am honest with my “parents” and if it’s been a bad day I’ll tell them straight up “Gabbi had a hard day today, she did XYZ and I was frustrated”.  This gives the parents a chance to talk to the child and try to resolve the issue.  If your nanny just says “the day was fine” you won’t be aware of things and can’t help your children grow and learn from different experiences.

I hope I was able to answer a few of your questions you may have on finding the right childcare for your family!  If you have any more questions, please feel free to leave me a comment and I’ll respond back to you right away!  Hopefully, I will be able to do a Q&A post in the next few months and answer any more questions you have!

by Brook , Contributor, babyandsofia (@babyandsofia)

Airplane rides with a newborn is quite an experience, and it only seems to become more of a “treat” as the baby grows.

My husband and I took our first airplane ride with our baby, Paolo, when we went on vacation six weeks after he was born.  Yes, when he was six weeks old, we flew to Hawaii to visit my parents for Thanksgiving.  Most people thought we were crazy, but we ignored them.  I mean, hey, we were going to paradise! We could brave a five-hour plane ride, no problem.  And actually, it was no problem.  I brought my sling and my Boppy nursing pillow and we were good to go.  Paolo was so tiny that all he did during the flight was nurse and sleep in my arms.  I think the noise and movement of the plane was relaxing. It was a dream for the hubs and I.

The next time I took the baby on an airplane is a whole different story.  My husband took a position at the University of Iowa, so the baby and I flew to the Great Midwest to find a place to live this past March.  Paolo was then five months old and not as thrilled to be sitting in my lap for the flight, especially when he got sleepy.  So he let me know, loudly.  He, in fact, SCREAMED the entire way from Orange County to Phoenix. On a crowded plane. Wedged between two men.

I’ll just say it was a traumatic event that involved a lot of tears (both his and mine) and, by the grace of God, the help of a kind stranger sitting next to us.  I decided that was the last time I was flying alone with my baby on my lap.

Just last month, Paolo and I went for another Hawaiian vacation at my parents’ home.  (I know, I know. It’s tough having your folks live in paradise.)  This time, I was PREPARED.  I booked seats for both us and brought all kinds of baby gear: car seat, stroller, books, videos, my laptop for playing the glorious Baby Einstein videos, toys, sippy cups, food, and blankets. I booked our route with a few layovers so that we could get off the plane and stretch our legs. During each layover, I found a corner in the airport where I laid down a blanket and “picnicked” so that Paolo could roll around and play.  Then, he would be tired out and took some naps during the flights.  It wasn’t easy pushing the stroller and lugging around the car seat base and extra bag, but boy, was it worth it!  While the trip was long, we survived. And at no point during the trip did I cry.

As I have experienced the full spectrum of traveling with baby, as my experiences do range from heinous to delightful, here is a list of suggestions for airplane travel with the under one year old crowd:

1. If you can, buy a ticket for your baby and bring your car seat.  It will not only preserve your sanity, it is a much safer mode of travel for your baby.  When the ‘fasten seat belt’ light is on for the adults, it should be on for the babies, too.

2. For long trips, schedule a layover. Your baby will thank you for the time to be free and roll around. (Sometimes this cuts back on travel cost, so you can afford that extra ticket for baby!)

3. Bring a few favorite toys and books, and bring along brand new ones, too.  The variation will keep baby entertained a tad bit longer.

4. If there is a video that your baby likes (our favorite is “Lullaby Time” by Baby Einstein), bring it, and your computer. Your neighbors on your flight will thank you.

5. Wear a cardigan or light jacket with pockets.  Having pockets is key when you are trying to juggle baby and all of your gear AND find your boarding passes and IDs.

I hope these tips will ease some of the stress that comes with airplane travel with the little ones.  I wish I had known this on that dreadful trip to Iowa…After that flight, I sure that I would be banned from air travel for the next 18 years!