Our Mommyhood

Posts Tagged ‘advice’

By Betsy, Editor, Funky Mama Bird (@funkymamabird)

If holiday shopping in the malls isn’t your thing, consider these five tips for holiday shopping online. As more online retailers offer discounts, and more holiday shoppers choose to forgo the malls you may just find the best deals in the comfort of your own home.

Holiday Shopping Online

The traditional day to kick off holiday shopping in the stores is the day after Thanksgiving. The day is known as Black Friday to retailers, because this is the day most finally pull into the black. Online shopping, however, does not typically begin until the following Monday, dubbed Cyber Monday by many retailers.

Because most online shopping occurs when shoppers are at their desk on Monday, or the kids are back in school, most online retailers hold off the best deals until this day. Whether you choose to join the virtual masses, or you just want to fill in the gaps of your traditional shopping spree, these five tips for holiday shopping online will help.

Shop Indie

Do you have someone to shop for that enjoys the unusual or seems to already have everything? Try shopping at indie sites such as Shana Logic or any great Etsy shop. Indie shops typically have lower prices, handmade, artisan items and items you can’t find in traditional stores. Perfect for your Emo niece or your grandmother who loves handmade knits.

Sign Up for New Letters

Get on the email newsletter list of your favorite stores. Coupons, free shipping codes and deals on select items are frequently emailed to consumers the day before the product goes live. You can always unsubscribe again once the holidays are over, if you don’t like the idea of dozens of retail newsletters clogging your inbox come January 1st.

Ask Questions

If you are purchasing an item from an Ebay or Etsy seller, make use of the “conversation” buttons and ask questions of the seller. Request measurements, additional photos or anything else that is stopping you from making the sale. Watch out for clothing items that are photographed folded; you may not know what’s being hidden. If the seller has nothing to hide, he or she will usually comply with reasonable requests.

Don’t Get Caught Up in Bidding Wars

Overstock auctions and Ebay have made it easier than ever to get an item at a great price. It can be addicting to keep bidding on an item until you’ve made it yours, so set an upper budget limit and stick to it. Just because someone else is willing to go over the top, doesn’t mean that you have to. Blowing your whole budget on one item makes no sense; instead, set up an alert to tell you when the item is posted by another seller and try again.

Use Comparison Sites

Sites like Froogle and Nextag allow you to compare the prices on one item from multiple sellers at once. Rather than just purchasing an item that looks like it has a good price, run a search for this item through a comparison shopping site. Just make sure to take shipping into consideration and look at the bottom line to find the best deal.

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Shopping for the holidays can often seem like a competition. Make sure to remember that it’s the thought that counts; after that, by all means, go after that deal.

Have you gotten a great deal on some internet shopping? Have a coupon code to share? Know of a site that’s offering free shipping? Come by the Our Mommyhood forum where we have a thread running on just that. If you have nothing to share, come by and see what others have; when you hear of anything, come back and share it with the others!

By Ashley, Contributor, Just Another Mom of 2 (@AnotherMomof2)

Once you decide which blog platform is right for you, prepare to share your thoughts with the world (or at least your mom). Of course, we know you already have amazing ideas and brilliant content ready to share with the world. But, is your blog actually readable? There are a few things to keep in mind to ensure you keep your blog reader-friendly.

The Basics

While you want your blog design to reflect you and your personality, make sure it is also hospitable for your readers. What does this mean?

-No music set to auto-play on your blog. Don’t get me wrong, I like a good tune now and then; but if someone is sneaking in spending their coffee break at work reading blogs, the last thing they need is for their entire office to hear your Bangles flashback in stereo.

-While I’m picking on the fun blogs, beware of light text on dark backgrounds: if readers are going blind trying to read your text, they are probably not going to come back.

-Make it easy for your amazing content to stand out: add the extras on a smaller scale.

Make Your Blog Accessible

I like to follow blogs and keep on top of the new content out there; I do that by clicking on the nice, prominent subscribe options at the top of many blogs. Nothing is more frustrating than coming across amazing content than not being able to figure out how to read more at a later date. Take a look over at the sidebar here at Our Mommyhood; there are so many easy ways to connect with the great team here, through subscribing, twitter, etc. Give your readers (and potential readers) that option,  and make it easy, so they come back!

Add a Search Box

Perhaps one of the most useful tools you must have on your site is a search box that is easy to find!  I love reading and referencing blogs, but like most people I get distracted. When I want to reference something amazing that you said awhile back, I tend to need to search for it. A great example is the article I wrote last week about which blog platform to choose. I knew that Tamara of The Unexperienced Mom had a great article comparing Blogger and WordPress; she had written a while back. If she did not have the search function on her blog, I would have had to dig all the way through months and months of archives to try to find the article. How many bloggers are going to go through that much effort? Exactly. I would have just moved on and referenced somewhere else.

Contact Information

An all-too-common bloggy blunder is hard to find contact information. I cannot tell you how many tweets I see fly across my TweetDeck saying “Bloggers, put contact information on your blog. People WANT to connect with you”, and the like. The other night, I was watching Donald Trump’s “The Apprentice” and the team that happened to lose made the huge error of not leaving contact information for investors. The same is true for your blog: whether it be someone interested in advertising on your blog, talking to you about opportunities available or even someone who just wanted to tell you how inspiring your last post was to them. For most people, blogging is about connecting  and without contact information on your blog, it becomes impossible.

Final Thoughts

A reader friendly blog is one that is sure to keep people coming back; take a look at your blog as if you were an outsider and update it accordingly. Make sure to stop by the Our Mommyhood forum to leave tips for others on anything else you find makes a blog readable.

Ashley is a stay-at-home mom and social media consultant who is not always sure what state she is in! She has moved her family to what will soon be five states in six years – whew! She can be found blogging at Just Another Mom of 2 and offers affordable transfers to WordPress – email her at Ashley @ justanothermomof2.com for details!

By Brook, Staff Writer, baby&sofia (@babyandsofia)

My family is spread out across the globe; my parents live in Hawaii, my husband’s family lives in southern Italy. My brother lives in San Diego and my sister-in-law lives in London.  Our 11-month-old baby Paolo has seen a lot of the world for his young age. When he was six weeks old, we took him to Hawaii. A few months later, Paolo took a house-hunting trip with me to the Great Midwest from our home in southern California.  Soon after, when Paolo was five months old, we drove from Orange County, California to our new home in central Iowa.  Once settled there, I took the baby for a month-long vacation at my parents’ home in Hawaii. That was quite the flight, but it went okay considering it was only me and our seven-month-old.  Then, of course we sprinkled in a few road trips around the Midwest this summer upon our return from Hawaii.

I guess you could say that we are seasoned travelers.

Or so I thought.  In September Paolo and I flew to southern Italy for a 30-day vacation.  I was so excited I could barely contain myself. There were so many Italian relatives that had yet to meet our little one, including Nonno (Grandpa Dell’Anna) and Zio Marco (Uncle Marco).   And who am I kidding? I couldn’t wait for some Mediterranean sun on my newly-Midwestern skin!

The morning of our flight, I was ready to go and geared up for travel. I’d purchased the Go-Go Kidz Travelmate, which is an awesome contraption that basically turns a car seat into a stroller. I had packed enough snacks, meals, toys, DVDs, books, clothes, pajamas and diapers for about four days.

International travel, here we come. It’s a good thing that I started the flight feeling calm and collected. Otherwise, I may have given up and gone home.

On our first layover in Minneapolis, the gate attendants were unbelievably incompetent and rude, causing us to board last, yes last, on a full flight.  I learned on our flight to Minneapolis that there was no way to “stroller” my car seat on the airplane, as the aisle is too narrow.  So boarding last was a challenge in and of itself; we were seated in the last row. Picture this: Brook carrying the car seat with Paolo strapped in, along with a diaper bag and canvas tote and trying to pull the “stroller” contraption behind us.  Help from the flight attendants, you ask? Yeah, right. They couldn’t be bothered. And neither could most of the passengers that I kept accidentally bumping as we made our way to the back of the plane.

Next stop: Toronto.  (I know, I know.  How many layovers are necessary when traveling to Italy from Iowa?  Usually only two, but I thought it would be fun to have three. Hah.)  Upon arrival to Canada, I found that I had to re-check our luggage, go through customs, re-check-in, go through security again and then go to our gate. Our three-hour layover was barely enough time.  Note to self: When traveling to Europe, don’t go via Canada.

I could go on and on about how awful my experience was at the Toronto Airport, but I’m not sure that I am ready to re-live that atrocity.

All of my anxiety melted away as I boarded my AirFrance flight to Paris.  We boarded the plane ahead of the other passengers in order to have time to calmly install Paolo’s car seat.  As we approached the aircraft, the flight attendants greeted us warmly and promptly offered their help, carrying my bags and the car seat while I held Paolo in my arms.  While one of the lovely flight attendants played with Paolo, I installed his car seat and prepared his dinner.  (After three hours of running around the airport, he was hungry, tired and fussy.)

Just as I strap him into his seat I notice a woman tearing down the aisle, shouting something at the tops of her lungs. Quickly, I realized she was shouting “this is my seat” and “GET OUT.”  She was coming right for me, so I started stumbling around my diaper bag looking for our boarding passes that show our seating assignment.  Unfortunately, I didn’t locate our boarding passes in time. The next thing I know, she is throwing my bags onto the seats across the aisle and pushing me, yes pushing me, away from my seat and across the aisle.  Seriously.

By now, Paolo is crying his eyes out because he is hungry, tired and fussy, and now there is a woman screaming at us who has actually pushed her way between him and me.  So, now, I’ve about had all that I can handle.  All I can think to say is, “I have to get my baby.” I’m trying to get her to move, but she won’t stop shouting about “HER SEAT” long enough to move so I can get to Paolo. At this point, I don’t even care about our seats; I just want to soothe my baby.  I’m starting to panic and Paolo has started screaming bloody murder. The woman won’t move.

Just before I start crying, the lovely flight attendant materializes like a little French angel. She tells me that, yes, these are my seats. She then takes the crazy lady by the arm and drags her away from my seat so I can reach my baby.  The crazy lady is still shouting, but I ignore her.  As it turns out, “HER SEAT” was on the other side of plane.

Then my phone rings. It’s my husband calling to check on us.  The tears I had previously been able to control decide to make their debut, which was fabulous as I was then both sweaty and crying.  Again, the flight attendant materializes with a bottle of  water and some toys for Paolo.  Our little French life-saver.

The rest of my flight to Paris was calm and uneventful. When we landed all of the attendants passed Paolo around giving him lots of good-bye kisses.  Someone helped me with the car seat and my bags, and I didn’t even have to ask.

The Paris airport was a dream; everyone was so helpful and smiling.  When going through customs (yes, again), we were ushered to a short EU-only line that didn’t seem to mind that we were Americans.  When we went through security (yes, again) one of the female security guards were more than happy to hold Paolo while helping them check all of our baby gear. Once through security I went right up to our gate where I asked about pre-boarding.

The gate attendant took one look at us and ushered us immediately to the plane with a smile.   Now the flight attendants were all Italian men and they were more than willing to help me with our things.  Paolo and I were quickly and calmly buckled into our seats, long before the rest of the passengers boarded.  When we landed in Naples, the attendants helped us out of the plane.  At the baggage claim, an airport employee unlocked the luggage carts and helped me load our suitcases. I didn’t even have to ask him.

As a mother, I much prefer traveling with my baby through Europe as opposed to the U.S. The difference during this last trip was night and day.  Granted, I have had the full spectrum, from absolutely horrifying to delightful, of travel experience in the U.S., but there is something warm and personal about traveling with a small baby in Europe.  American airline companies seem to be thoroughly disinterested in being helpful to parents, especially those traveling alone with a baby.  Most airlines won’t even allow you to pre-board a flight with a baby, even when you have a car seat to install as this “luxury” is saved for their “priority” customers. In Europe, on the other hand, they seem to look at you as individual who may be in need of a little extra assistance, so why not help out?

I’m not normally one to hold grudges, but this seems like one grudge I’ll be happy to keep.  I know that I will only be flying with European carriers on future flights across “the pond”.  And from one traveling mamma to another, I suggest you do the same.

By Signe Whitson, Guest Writer, My Baby Clothes Boutique

Do you regularly leave a “Honey Do” that your husband routinely ignores?  Are emotionally-charged conversations often shut down with the words “Fine” and “Whatever?”  If you and your husband communicate anger and hostility through undone errands and botched chores, then passive aggression might be the third wheel in your marriage.

Passive aggression is a deliberate and masked way of expressing covert feelings of anger.  It involves a variety of behaviors designed to get back at another person without the other recognizing the underlying anger (Long, Long & Whitson, 2008).  While some parents believe that squashing anger is the “socially appropriate” thing to do for the sake of the children, unexpressed anger in the long run is destructive to intimacy in a marriage and a poor model of self-expression.

Do you recognize any of these passive aggressive phrases in your marriage?

“I’m Not Mad”

Passive aggression is motivated by a person’s fear that his life will get worse if others know about his anger.  To mask his feelings, the passive aggressive person relies on denial.  Even when questioned directly about the emotions that his body language and angry smile often betray, a passive aggressive person will insist, “I’m not mad” rather than seize the opportunity to communicate in a direct and emotionally honest way.

“Whatever”

Sulking and withdrawing from arguments are primary strategies of the passive aggressive person.  Rather than talk about what is bothering him, the passive aggressive person uses phrases like “Fine” and “Whatever” to shut down communication and repress anger.  The damage to the relationship occurs because there is nothing more powerful than an unexpressed thought over time.

“I’ll Take Care of It”

Weekend “To Do” lists are a common source of resentment in families.  No one relishes the thought of doing chores, yet everyone knows that in order to maintain a home and keep a family running smoothly, there are certain tasks that each family member must accomplish.  To keep the (short-term) peace, a passive aggressive person verbally complies with task lists and chore requests, but behaviorally delays their completion.  By procrastinating, postponing, and stalling, the passive aggressive person avoids getting into arguments but succeeds in frustrating others.

“I Didn’t Know What You Meant”

For those passive aggressive spouses who want to take their hidden hostility to the next level, intentional inefficiency is the name of the game.  Forget procrastination—performing chores in a timely but unacceptable manner is often a much more effective (and lasting) strategy for discharging anger in an indirect way and never being asked to perform that specific chore again.

For example:

Tom is watching football on TV when his wife asks him to run to the grocery store for a few staple items.  She hands him a list.  He agrees to go and turns off his game, in the last quarter.  He returns home with six boxes of Pop Tarts and two gallons of chocolate-flavored soy milk (the list said “Breakfast Foods”) along with a variety of other condiments and creatively wrong non-food items.  He flashes his wife an angry smile and feigns shock when she grumbles over his purchases.

Sound like an exaggeration?  It happened to my neighbor!  And guess what—she has never asked her husband to run to the store for her since!

Case in point; passive aggressive behaviors can be quite effective in the short-term when it comes to avoiding tasks and frustrating others.  In the long-term, however, unexpressed hostility is dangerously destructive to marriage and intimacy.  As the ultimate obstacle to honest communication and direct expression, passive aggression is the silent killer of healthy feelings among family members.

Signe Whitson is a Licensed Social Worker who has worked with families and children for over 10+ years. She specializes in passive aggressive behavior, she co-authored a book on this type of behavior, “The Angry Smile“.