Latest
The Timeframe
March 23rd, 2011 | 
Author: By Honey B, Staff Writer, The Honey B (@thehoneyb)
A very popular line of conversation at work is of course kids. What are they doing these days, pictures, cute stories and in my case, are you going to hurry up and have one already? I’m honestly not sure what it is, but it really cracks me up how interested people are in whether or not Marmot and I are having unprotected sex.
And my replies vary, depending on who that person is.
My grandmother? I’ll tell her that we’re planning to wait a while yet. This always pleases her because she thinks we’re too young (!) and if we have a baby this year she’ll lose a bet with my Uncle Daniel.
My BFF? She knows that I obsess about it, and while she does think we should just go ahead and have a baby, she’s kind enough to agree with me 100% whether I say next week or never.
The obnoxious coworker who thinks I’m inferior because I don’t have kids? I will tell her that I’ll have children when someone tells me they’re good for a marriage and finances.
But really what it comes down to is that I’m frustrated with everyone’s expectations on what is the right time – for us. The right time to have a baby is not a one size fits all type of issue, but you wouldn’t know it by the reactions I get if I say we’re still waiting.
“Waiting for what? You’re not getting any younger!” (Gee thanks).
“Oh just do it, you’ll never be completely ready- we weren’t, but we got through it!” (So it was rough for you, which means it should be rough for us too?)
“There is never the RIGHT time to have a baby!” (But do you trust me when I say right now might be the WRONG time?)
I remember reading something a few years ago about parenting, and one particular thing stuck with me. The author said, parenting should be an all-volunteer army. And I agree with her, being drafted could be setting yourself up for mutiny. So we’re marching on towards completion of more Baby Bucket List items and a new item for the list might be trying to keep snark to the minimum.
What do YOU think about waiting vs. jumping right in?
Posted in 
Tags: 
I totally agree with you. My hubby and I, both teachers, waited for 10 years before we decided we wanted kids. Being a little older and having had a lot of together time in the marriage worked great for us. We have 2 great boys that are now wonderful, responsible men. It was perfect for us:)
Our 1st was a big surprise. I tend to think & think about things before ever making a decision, it was probably best for us this way.
Jill´s last blog ..Postcards from the Effinghamptons vol 10
I think that it is ok to wait til you are ready. I was kinda thrown into the pot because I did not plan to have my son. mine worked out wonderfully by accident and I didn’t always think it would, I did think it was the wrong time at first and it wound up being perfect time, but honestly, parenting and child-rearing and birth and etc is so out of your hands that you should claim whatever choice and control you have over the situation and make sure you are comfortable and happy with what you decide. And that is all that matters.
AdrienneMay´s last blog ..Noahs Trip to the Grocery Store
what a great post for a new person like me to the Mommyhood to reply to!
I am not a mother, though have been a foster parent in the past. I am relatively young…yet old compared to everyone else having children. I’m one of the few of my friends without children and no plans for them in the near future. And everyone asks. I just tell everyone we will when we’re ready. I think it’s all about being ready yourselves, not ready for everyone else.
First, its no one’s business! I hate how people feel like they can add in their unsolicited 2 cents. People suck. My sister started telling people that they are not having kids so every one will leave them alone.
Im thrilled we have Bug and knowing how much you have planned and prepped for a baby, you won’t regret it when you decide to go ahead with it. Its easy to feel overwhelmed
.. having a lo is totally overwhelming. I sometimes wish we would have waited but I am so happy to have this little miss.
Bugs Mom´s last blog ..How I Became A Runner
Let me start by saying that I get frustrated when people pry about a couple’s plans to have children … what if you were trying and were having a difficult time? I never ask UNLESS it’s a very close friend.
I think the decision is completely up to you! For the hubs and I, we knew when we got married (young!) that we wanted to wait five years. Sure enough, we got pregnant a few months before our 5th anniversary … we knew we’d need time to settle into marriage, enjoy baby-free years, and have our finances in order to be able to start a family.
It’s an incredibly private matter and a sacred one. Enjoy the trying, whenever/if ever that happens!
It’s absolutely no one’s business. Get a line prepped for the questions. Something like “Wow. That is a SERIOUSLY private question! Have you considered that it might be hurtful?”
It’ll either shut them up (hopefully) or open the conversation so that they can understand how prying they’re being and never ask again.
Tracey – JustAnotherMommyBlog´s last blog ..Like- fer sherr!
The interesting thing is that people don’t stop bugging you after you have a child. Then, they want to know if you are done. And if not, when you think you might add to your family. People are just nosy! But I definitely think you have to be ready. On the other hand, I’m not sure if anyone can truly be prepared for parenting. No matter how many books you read, or how much you have in savings, parenting is just one big experiment!
You’re right: there is no right time to have kids, but there are better times than others. And there are definite wrong times. But you would hopefully love it just the same. Either way, making the decision to “have kids” is a scary one.
My first pregnancy was planned, but finding two heartbeats was NOT planned. My second pregnancy was a complete surprise, and while we thought we may want a third child, it’s hard to say if we would have ever really gone through with it/ So I guess it was meant to be.
Before I had kids, it used to bother me when coworkers or clients who had known me a while would ask about kids. I mean, what if I COULDN’T have kids, and they didn’t know? Bugging someone about having kids is a little personal.
WAIT UNTIL YOU FEEL READY. my hubby and I waited 12 years. If I hadn’t totally 100% wanted that baby with all my being, it would be so much harder right now. And as it is it’s HARD! now everyone asks when we’ll have a 2nd and the answer to that is NEVER! we made sure. We are happy to have one but seriously it’s the toughest thing on earth to be a parent.
Sarah´s last blog ..SCHOCKNIFE SPARRING