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The Ethics of Blogging with Children
September 7th, 2010 | 
Author: Betsy, Contributor, Funky Mama Bird (@funkymamabird)
Two very well-known and widely-read bloggers with both older children and toddlers have recently made statements to the effect that they will not be publishing as much content about their older kids. Their reasons for this announcement varied, with one blogger saying she didn’t want to publicly “label” or “box” her children, and the other saying that her child was requesting more privacy. Both bloggers feel that their toddlers are still fair game, and have announced their intentions to continue blogging about them.
While there is no official Blogging Ethic, many bloggers feel that holding to a similar ethics code as journalists or A Bloggers Code of Ethics makes sense. This code of ethics only addresses children as such, “Show compassion for those who may be affected adversely by Weblog content. Use special sensitivity when dealing with children…”.
As a freelance journalist and writer, as well as a blogger I can’t help but wonder about where that line is. Is it when my child is old enough to understand my actions in blogging, or is it now when he is too young to understand?
My blog, like many personal blogs, is a place for me to record events in my life. Whether I choose to highlight every event, only a few events or to dramatize these events, I blog for myself. Unlike my other writing, I have no editor censoring me, holding me to AP style grammar and questioning if my blog is “on topic” enough.
Since my child is a part of my life, he is a part of my blog. I have publicly discussed his poop, his wheat allergies and his addiction to his sleep sacks. But there are things I haven’t discussed; things that I feel are no one’s business but ours. And I wonder if I’ve drawn the line too vaguely, if by censoring some things and not others I’m doing him a disservice, either by not presenting the whole picture or by presenting any of these things at all.
Like all other parenting decisions that I make, I try to make the ones that I feel most benefit both of us. I need to care for and protect my child, but as the saying goes, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” So I’m conflicted; at times I feel I’ve struck that happy medium between writing for myself, writing uncensored and documenting my life and protecting my child, at other times I wonder if I veer too far in one direction or another.
Should we, as so-called Mommy Bloggers, be forging our own code of ethics? Or is up to us as individuals to strike that balance for ourselves and our families?
I’m interested in hearing your thoughts.
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I often think about this AND post about it. I think it’s up to the individual or then we open up the doors to the “free speech” lecture.
I personally have withheld photos of my children and written a “following” policy, if you will, due mainly to the content of blogs out there. I flat out tell readers I won’t follow theirs if they have profane language and/or adult content that stems on ex-pli-cit for example. In turn, they can choose NOT to follow me! Because let me tell you, those blogs are out there!
I really think we, as individuals, have to be accountable. It starts with us moms, aren’t we still trying to set an example for our children? The blogosphere is no exception.
I hadn’t thought about a following policy, although that’s a good idea. I often wonder about posting photos. On the one hand, I want to share, but on the other… It is an individual decision isn’t it?
Betsy´s last blog ..Cloth Tushie Tuesday Week 5
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This is such a very important topic. I’m glad you addressed it in this post.
I am also conflicted about how much information to reveal about my children. I write more about my elementary aged girls than my middle school aged boys. But in doing so, I wonder if my sons might believe that I had preferred the girls as they look back over the content as adults.
I haven’t decided where to draw the line for our family yet. I still make a decision post by post.
I like the idea of making the decisions post by post. That’s a pretty good way of looking at it!
I think it’s an individual case situation. Because it’s so personal, every blogger needs to set their own boundaries. There have been plenty of times that I’ve started writing something but stopped because I thought it was invading my life too much. Since blogs aren’t private, it’s a matter of how much you want to reveal.
I have to say I’ve done the same thing; started to post something and then stopped because it got to personal. I think if we all do give some thought to it that things may work out better than just posting willy nilly.
Betsy´s last blog ..Cloth Tushie Tuesday Week 5
You make some interesting points. I guess this is sort of a balancing act. You definitely don’t want to write anything that your kids will someday get mad at. I use my own internal barometer as far as what I share on blogs about my son. And you’re right, some things are nobody’s business.
I use the same internal barometer. It is so hard sometimes, especially when they are too young to sort of “check in” with about it.
Betsy´s last blog ..Cloth Tushie Tuesday Week 5
What a thoughtful post. I think it’s definitely something to consider. Even if one doesn’t have a formal “code of ethics,” thinking about when and how you blog about your family, and being consistent with it, is important. I’ll need to give this some thought as my children get older – especially in middle school, I think it can get really dicey.
Great job!
gigi´s last blog ..The Little Luxuries- Post-Recession
Being consistent IS so important. Especially if you try to make your plan known publicly. I think I’m still trying to figure mine out so consistency is still to come!
Betsy´s last blog ..Cloth Tushie Tuesday Week 5
I think about this all of the time. I struggle with whether or not to use my real name because of this. I protect my kids (tween/teen) by not using my real name as I blog all about their issues and issues with kids their ages. However, I can’t help but wonder if this will hurt me in the long run. For now though, it is all about them.
Dalia´s last blog ..Is a cell phone a rite of childhood
Admittedly, I change all names subtly enough to make us harder to find. I’ve known people who try to be super anonymous, only to have inquisitive readers shout their names. It’s such a struggle some times!
Betsy´s last blog ..Cloth Tushie Tuesday Week 5
When I started this blog I had intended it for family and friends but it has taken on a life of it’s own. Therefore I didn’t even think to create boundaries. I’m very conscious about refraining from complaining about my husband or friends. I rarely, if ever discuss work. However, when it comes to my son, I’ve allowed him to be fair game. As he gets older and starts to have his own opinion and quirks I need to be very careful about what I put out there for the world to see.
I hate the idea that as he grows, bullies can find my blog and use it for fodder.
Laura @ The Things I Said I’d Never Do´s last blog ..Friday Foodstuffson Monday!
I think a lot of people started the blog for family or friends and then wound up having it “open” to the public. It does make you rethink your blogging stance!
Betsy´s last blog ..Cloth Tushie Tuesday Week 5
I thought a lot about this before I started blogging. I’ve slowly opened up to using pictures of my kids, but I still do it on a very limited basis. I have nothing against people that use a lot of photos, but for me, I started blogging as a way to write, and so I feel like my blog should be primarily about the writing. A few photos here and there just add to the story. I also try to keep to the same rule I have for myself on my personal facebook page. I would never say, “I’m here right now,” or even, “I’m going to X for a week,” but I’ll say something about it after I return. I pick and choose what to talk about, and I’ll continue to pick and choose what photos and information I use about my kids on my blog. I think that I have added enough for people to know what my kids are about, without feeling like strangers would really KNOW them.
I also started blogging as a way to showcase writing. I talk about my kid far more than I ever intended though. I keep wondering if that’s good or bad and whether or not to change that!
Betsy´s last blog ..Cloth Tushie Tuesday Week 5
Huh. I never really thought about it much. Hmmm.
Mommy Lisa´s last blog ..The First Day of School
I seriously never gave any thought to it beyond the basics until I noticed bloggers mentioning that they were no longer going to talk as much about older kids. Then I sort of HAD to think about it, you know?
Betsy´s last blog ..Cloth Tushie Tuesday Week 5
Glad you addressed this. I blog about fashion so my three girls have only been featured once or twice. I would HOPE that mommy bloggers would always put respect for their children first in their minds when writing their posts (the one’s I follow certainly do) but I FEAR that for some that’s not always the case.
Jesslyn´s last blog ..Making it Easy
The thing that makes me sad is that there are those out there that really do exploit their children. It wasn’t those people though that I was thinking of when I wrote this. I like to think that those people are the exception and not the norm!
Betsy´s last blog ..Cloth Tushie Tuesday Week 5
I’m pretty open on my blog, and very honest, but even if it seems I’m revealing everything I actually do hold back. Some things that are off limits for me are: Fights between my husband and I, anything that would truly embarrass my kids (not the “Moommmm, why did you talk about me running naked down the street?” type of embarrassment, but the really, truly embarrassing things. Like…I dunno…bedwetting or something.), I don’t complain about my husband or kids, and I don’t complain about family members or share their stories beyond what I have permission to do. I do have our real first (and last) names on there, but I did that when it was just a “family” blog. If I could go back I would take the last name out of the equation. And I NEVER say the specific city I live in. I know people who even name their kids’ school (I am not kidding), and that is something I strongly disagree with. Other than that, I think everyone should decide for themselves.
Amy´s last blog ..All Work and No Play Makes JAMC A Dull Family