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Scissors and Girdles:
August 18th, 2010 | 
Author: Maureen, Guest Writer, Tatter Scoops (@tatterscoops)
As a mixed couple coming from two very different cultures, my husband and I already knew we’d be facing some minor adjustments after we got married. But nothing really prepared me for the different motherhood ‘wisdoms’ my country held for me and our son.
Since the day my family in Indonesia learned about my pregnancy, my Mom started telling me the dos and the don’ts. From what food to avoids to what foods to chomp down on veraciously. I never knew those bland tasting mung beans were supposed to make my baby’s hair thick and after two servings, I gave up on them!
At the time, we were still living in that small town of Dothan tucked in Alabama, so it was a bit easier to tune out some of this advice since it was given over the phone, from the other side of the globe. So I still drank cold water or cold ice-teas which according to the myth might make my baby too big – it was summer time for God’s sake! And I didn’t strap my post-baby stomach tightly with a girdle-wrapper-like-fabric many Indonesian moms had to wear because I had a c-section and even if I didn’t, it would be too much of a torture.
Indonesian Girdle
Imagine the horror on my husband’s face if I had followed one of the old wives tales to put scissors under the crib’s mattress to chase away evil spirits? Even worse, the scissors are supposed to go under the baby pillow!
Don’t get me wrong, not all of the advice is bad. Some is actually really good such as the one about the ‘telon oil’ (mixture of cajaput oil, fennel essential oil, and coconut oil). It’s supposed to warm babies and children and widely use amongst Indonesian moms. We tried a few drops of this wonderful smelling oil and rub it on my son’s chest and tummy every night after bath time. Maybe it’s the oil or maybe pure luck but we never had any gas problem with him.
There were also the traditional ‘jamu’ (traditional medicines) for new mothers that my husband actually got for me. I don’t usually drink them but since he went out of his way and ordered me a box set of them, I swallowed! I’m not sure if they really work or not but I had a very fast recovery from my c-section.
Since we pretty much raise our son as a team being far from both sides of the family, I’m more Americanized and rely on either our pediatrician or my mommyhood bible (aka The What to Expect books) when it comes to how I handle our son. Some of my relatives find this wrong but after awhile my mother accepted my ways of doing things.
The first time we went home for a visit, my aunt called me mean mommy when she saw Lil’ A at his night time feeding – yes, he was still sitting up around the age of 9 months drinking his bottle. Most babies here will drink from their bottles lying down, which is something we never do. So even at 9 months old, Lil’ A was used to sitting up and drink away happily even if he’s tired.
Indonesians are more open to giving out unsolicited mothering advice and sometimes it still annoys me. Although I appreciate their good thoughts behind it, when you’re being bombarded with it and being criticized that you’re not doing it the right way, it can really get to you.
Raising a child with two influential cultures can really get interesting and I have learned to pick out what suits us best and ditch the rest.
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Isn’t it funny how as soon as you become pregnant, everyone is an expert and advice comes from everywhere? Everyone means well but sometimes it’s hard to be hit with so many different opinions. I guess in a way everyone is an expert in raising their own babies but not yours!
Kasey´s last blog ..Im Back but not for long
I had two separate visits to see my first born right when we came home from the hospital. They were both older ladies from our church. The first one grabbed his bare feet and legs and told me I was freezing him. And the other told me she was so thankful to see that I didn’t have him bundled up and sweating to death. So much of child rearing is opinion and everyone has one! It can make you nuts!
You should write all of the advice from each culture in a book for your child. It will be so interesting years from now!
Lula Lola´s last blog ..An Epic Bad Hair Day
I still remember it being a HOT August day, my cousin, who gave birth a few weeks prior, taking a nap and her mom comes in and puts the thickest winter blanket on her, and she insisted they keep their A/C off. She couldn’t ditch that advise if she wanted.
Pop´s last blog ..Friday Flip-Offs- 8-13 Pop’s Edition
Maureen, I can totally relate to the different types of advice from two cultures.
In France the first thing you are told when you learn you are pregnant is to thoroughly clean the inside of your refigerator with vinegar…
Every one of your posts gives me inspiration to share my culture shock stories too! You are a fuel to my own blog in a way!
Thanks so much for this, a great read!
Maryline´s last blog ..Comment Love from Spammers
Everyone is an expert. As if it isn’t bad enough family & friends like to give you advice, but complete strangers in stores like to also. I thought Americans had the biggest bubble. Apparently, this bubble disappears for pregnant women bc everyone was in mine.
MamaOnDaGo´s last blog ..My 3 Day Weekend
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Maryline O, Maureen and Maureen, OurMommmyhood. OurMommmyhood said: Scissors & Girdles http://bit.ly/ab4kAM New Post! @tatterscoops [...]
Everyone is an expert on just about everything. I didn’t mind it so much when it came from my mom, but if it came from other people it drove me nuts. If I want advice, I’ll ask for it! lol
This is a great post Maureen! So cool to see you over here at OMH!
I like how you say you pick out what “suits you best and ditch the rest”. It’s awesome, you can have the best of both worlds and still listen to your mommy instinct:) I loved hearing about the different cultural remedies, thanks!
Melissa (Confessions of a Dr.Mom)´s last blog ..My Sleep Make Over
@ Kasey: So true! It can get pretty annoying but I keep telling myself that the intentions are well but at the end, we must pick what will works for us.
@ Lula: That’s a brilliant idea! I never thinks about it that way. It will surely makes for an interesting reading looking back
Thank you!
@ Pop: Oh wow now that would be hard to ditch won’t it LOL.
@ Maryline: You’re a sweetheart! Thanks so much and it is interesting to hear the French way too. Now the vinegar suppose to do what exactly? Clean the fridge from bacteria?
@ Kate: LOL for me it’s sometimes the other way around, it’s easier to ignore it when it comes from stranger but it’s a required balancing act when it comes from my mom so I don’t offend. Thanks, Kate…I was actually quite nervous about submitting this piece.
@ Melissa: Thank you! It’s not always easy at first it was hard but then I told myself if I don’t pick my battles they’ll put me in a restraining jacket LOL. As for the remedies, we have plenty here too and some actually works wonders
Maureen´s last blog ..I Dream Of These&8230
This is exactly why I follow you. I found out something new every time I read something of yours.
I find it so interesting. Thank you.
Alexandra´s last blog ..When Someone You Love Has A Blog- Part II
Aww you’re too kind, Empress! Thank you so much.
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