Our Mommyhood

By Cate, Guest Writer, Real Life with Kids (@reallifewkids)

I made sure to put “A Retrospective” and “#2″ in the title lest my mother or my other mother read this and get excited or otherwise agitated thinking we are expecting. Again. Because that store is closed. Lights off, nobody there.

When DW and I found out we were expecting Baby #2, Baby #1 was only a bit over a year old. We weren’t not trying to have another one, but it was surprising because the doctors had told us that if we wanted the first one, we’d better get going because my endometriosis had the potential to render me infertile. Again.

I think I did pretty well on the expecting part; it was when we got close to the delivery date that I started to fall apart.

I’m a planner. I’m sure my husband would offer the caveat here that being a planner doesn’t mean being organized. Then I would flip him off and walk with you to another room so we could talk without being interrupted by comments from DW that are certainly open for debate.

Just like when expecting Itchy, I had everything ready for little Scratchy. His beautiful crib – the same as Itchy’s, only in dark cherry. A little sailboat crib quilt and an embroidered whale duvet. Oxford striped crib sheets. A beautiful dark cherry dresser with a little wooden sailboat sitting on top, along with the changing pad and all of the baby needs – diapers, balms, etc., in a little basket with a sailboat liner.

As my due date approached, I began to realize that being prepared for the arrival of Baby #2 in a logistical sense (and awesomely matching accessories) was definitely not the same as being prepared for Baby #2 in an emotional sense. Itchy was my life! She and I were bonded in a way I’d never had with anyone before. I began having occasional nightmares where I would be somewhere with the new baby and Itchy, and I would forget Itchy when I left.

I was so worried that this new baby would somehow subtract from Itchy. That he would arrive and I would be leaving her with less of me than I wanted, less of me than she deserved.

What helped? Itchy herself was a balm to my anxious soul. She was SO excited for her baby brother to arrive! She would talk to my belly, and DW and I would read stories to my belly with Itchy sitting on our bed most evenings.

I would tell her that she needed to tell the baby that he could have ice cream if he came out soon. That she needed to tell him how yummy ice cream was. And my beautiful girl would whisper to my belly that she would share her ice cream with him if he would just come out (and I’m sitting here, crying, remembering this).

The pediatrician gave us some awesome advice regarding bringing Scratchy home. She told us that it would be a good idea to have a baby doll and accessories that Itchy could keep busy with and imitate what mommy was doing with the new baby. So I bought a Cabbage Patch baby, a little bassinet basket and little doll diapers, wipes, bottles, etc.

When Itchy came to the hospital to meet baby Scratchy – she was 22 months old and glowing with excitement. Oh, how she loved her baby brother. She loved the baby doll, who she named, “Scratchy,” also, and what we called “Baby Scratchy” to differentiate from the real baby.

When her daddy took her to stand outside the nursery window along with other folks looking at their babies, he held her up to see him and she shouted “HI, SCRATCHY!!!!” because she was worried he wouldn’t hear her through the glass. She then told everyone who would listen that Scratchy was her baby and she was a big sister.

I guess what I didn’t realize – and couldn’t realize, really, until he arrived – was that Scratchy and Itchy weren’t compartmentalized separately. That when he came home it would be a family affair. When I was nursing Scratchy, Itchy sat with her Baby Scratchy in the little rocking chair from my childhood and gave him a bottle. When Scratchy cried and DW and I were comforting him, Itchy was right there wanting to help as well.

I didn’t realize how she would embrace him and that so much love could come from a little 22 month old girl. That bringing home Baby #2 was not an event just for mom and dad, but an event for our little family.

As with most things in life, my concerns about Expecting Baby #2 were so much bigger than reality.

I can tell you that Itchy is almost 13, Scratchy is almost 11 and that they are very close. They drive each other crazy, but that’s kind of in the sibling job description (see the post on MY brother). Itchy is Scratchy’s ‘straight man’ and she laughs at all of his jokes. Scratchy is Itchy’s lieutenant and generally follows along when she has a plan to carry out. It has been truly wonderful to watch them grow as individuals and as brother and sister. Can’t wait to see what else they have in store for us.

How did you handle preparations for Baby #2 (or #3 or #4)?

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