Our Mommyhood

By Betsy, Contributor, Funky Mama Bird (@funkymamabird)

I spent this past Friday night in the company of some fun and charming ladies, three of whom happened to be pregnant. I wound up leaving that night with some serious pregnancy envy and a burning question in my mind: How do you know when you are ready to have the next one?

After a lot of thought,  and a few more margaritas, I managed to compile this handy chart for reference. If you are also wondering if it’s time to have another baby, take a look below and find your readiness level.

Answer the following questions and total your score at the end to see if you are ready for another baby.

Are you particularly attached to seeing your feet? Yes = 2points No =1point

Are you ready for the brain calisthenics required to figure out how you can vomit up everything you eat and still gain weight? Yes = 1point No=2points

Is your current child still small enough to want to stand in your lap and dance on your internal organs causing pain and bruising to your kidneys daily? Yes=2points No = 1point

Is your lower back already strained from the constant hoisting of a toddler who demands, “Up mama!” five seconds after he has requested to be put down? Yes = 2points No = 1point

Have you successfully achieved “labor amnesia”? Yes = 1point No = 2points

Have you forgotten about and recovered from the bone sucking fatigue of early infancy? Yes=1point No=2 points

Do you have enough gender neutral hand-me-downs or a bank account large enough to sustain another nesting/purchasing cycle? Yes=1point No=2points

Do you look at pregnant women with a feeling of smug superiority? Yes=2points No=1point

Do you look at pregnant women with a feeling of envy and longing? Yes=1point No=2points

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To find your score, total the number of points from above.

9 – 13 points – Congratulations! You are mentally prepared for the process of attempting to conceive your next child. Your heady optimism is sure to get you through no matter how long it takes to get pregnant with that little bundle, and the soul sucking fatigue of both early pregnancy and early infancy while you chase your older child(ren).

14 – 18 points – Congratulations! You are self aware enough to realize that even if you succumb to those feelings of pregnancy envy and do get pregnant again, that the end result is worth it in the end, no matter how hard the journey. And if you do manage to keep those pregnancy longings away, you’ll be doing so with the proper blend of smugness and superiority required for a healthy self esteem.

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