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Will I Ever Get My Bed Back?
August 6th, 2010 | 
Author: By Mama Michie, Contributor, Mama Michie’s Musings, (@MamaMichie)
Noah was never a good sleeper. He was always a fan of short naps and has slept through the night only a handful of times. It took us what seemed like forever to get him to fall asleep on his own while in his own bed. We were a little scared of how the transition to his big boy bed would go and were glad to find out that he loved it. For once, he started going to bed without a fuss and he started sleeping better at night, too.
He’s become much needier since Abby was born and doesn’t like to sleep alone in his room anymore… both at night and at nap time. It used to be that he would start his nap in his room, sleep there for 45 min then wake up and finish his nap on the couch. Since Abby’s birth, though, he has started refusing to sleep in his bed for naps and will only fall asleep in the car or downstairs on the couch… on my lap… while I’m trying to nurse Abby.
Oh and did I mention that he has to hold her hand, too? Yeah, it’s fun.
The thing is, I have tried to change it. I’ve tried to keep a routine and yet he went and turned it upside down on me. He is taking his nap later and going to bed later as well; the plus side to that is that he is now also getting up later in the morning.
I’ve stuck with the same nap and bed routine that he is used to and that we have been doing for months, and yet there is almost always drama at nap and bedtime.
I’m starting to notice that I’m slowly reaching that last straw… I have an insane amount of patience, but it’s wearing thin. I need his nap time to not only recharge my own batteries, but also to spend some time alone with Abby and to get the house in order (again).
We’ve tried talking to him, but that’s not very useful with a child under 2. We tried letting him cry, but he is stubborn and doesn’t stop… at all. When nothing else works and as a last resort, we just bring him back to where we are. We let him fall asleep there and then transfer him back to his bed. But honestly, that doesn’t help the situation at all and I’m not a big fan of it.
I’m hoping that this is just a phase and that it will pass.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and will gladly take any helpful suggestions on how to reclaim naptime and my bed!!
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When our son was two, we had to cut out naps completely – if he took a nap in the afternoon, he’d be up until 11pm, so you might want to try skipping a few naps and see if that helps your son get to sleep earlier at night. We also had to get over the hurdle of transitioning him back to his room after several bouts of bronchiolitis led us to have him in his room with us to monitor his temperature and breathing during the night.
The most important thing is to establish a routine and ground rules that both you and your husband follow. My husband sabotaged over a month’s worth of work, and knocked us back to square one with bedtime (I swear sometimes it’s like having TWO kids!).
Our routine worked before, so it’s bound to work again – just with more effort (and maybe a brick upside my husband’s head!)…
1. Routine, Routine, Routine! Ours was dinner, then a bath – with some talking about bedtime coming soon and what stories he’d like to read or what we’re going to do tomorrow.
2. Stories in the rocking chair with mum – limited to stories he’s very familiar with and that aren’t overly exciting.
3. Bedtime – tucking in with his super-soft Thomas the Tank Engine blanket, his favorite stuffed animal and a sippy cup of water, and the instructions that he is to protect his goldfish, stay lying down, and stay in bed.
Yes, we had to go through a week and a half of him getting out of bed and being tucked back in, but it did work. We’re about to start round 2 of bedtime training, and this time I think we’re going to make up a calendar, and every week that he goes to bed like a big boy every night, we’ll have a reward on the weekend and let him choose an activity for us to do – the playground, going for ice cream, going to the beach…something like that.
LOL!! Husbands are worse than kids sometimes!! We have our set routine, but that doesn’t seem to be working right now. I like your idea of a reward… might have to try that!
As for cutting out the nap – he’s had days where he doesn’t nap and bedtime was worse because he was over tired. I can tell that he still needs his daytime nap right now. But it’s definitely something to think about!
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I don’t really have an answer for you (sorry), but just want to let you know not to worry too much. I have been there, exactly there. My son, same thing….daughter born….same thing. Even the hand holding! I tried everything. Everyone kept saying ‘routine’ to me. I tried it. Still didn’t work. But on the brighter side, it DID pass. I am not going to lie and say it passed quickly, but it did. Hang in there. Hopefully someone will have some good tips here for you or maybe routine will work for you. I will keep my fingers crossed.
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Thank you for your honesty!!! Routine doesn’t seem to be working for us either. Noah just doesn’t seem to care that we’re following the same steps, leading to the same conclusion every night. As soon as I go to leave he freaks out… every.single.night.
It’s nice to know that my kids not the only one and that you survived it!;)
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I felt like I was reading about my life right here! I hit my last straw & could not let our son back in bed with us. He wasn’t sleeping. I wasn’t sleeping. My husband wasn’t sleeping.
The book that REVOLUTIONZED our life is: The Sleep Lady’s Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West with Joanne Kenen.
Good Luck!!!
We are still in the middle of nap training & that’s harder than night sleep training was, but we are getting there!
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I just laid down with both kids… I nursed the baby to sleep and the toddler fell asleep behind me… If I needed a nap, I slept too. Other wise when both were asleep, I would sneak out and do whatever needed to be done.
Oh my goodness. We are going to a very similar situation right now. Our baby, Paolo, turns 10 months in 2 days, and we are having a nightmare of a time trying to work through the bedtime routine and ‘sleep training.’ Paolo only likes to sleep either in our bed with us or on the sofa. The only problem with him sleeping in the bed with us is that he wants to nurse ALL NIGHT LONG.
It is actually comforting to hear that someone else is having the same problem. After 2 days of the ‘training,’ Paolo figured out the new bedtime routine and, at the first sign of the routine, began SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS. By the third day, we couldn’t go in his room with out having a major freak out.
We are trying again this week. We’ll see how it goes. I’m so tired from being awake all night long for months. If we figure out something that works, I will definitely pass it along. It sounds like you are doing a great job, though, so keep up the good work!
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