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Trial and Error
July 13th, 2010 | 
Author: Elizabeth, Guest Poster
The eyes of every parent in the place were on me. They were staring me down, glaring at me, for subjecting my child to the ultimate danger: a deep, dark swimming pool.
The way they were looking at me, you’d have thought I was letting my daughter leap into a bottomless pit. Yes, I know she’s only 22 months old, thankyouverymuch. Yes, I know she’s not wearing water wings. Chill.
My husband was treading in the water below, patiently waiting for our almost-two-year-old to make this monumental leap of faith. My child’s a fish; she smiled the first time we gave her a sponge bath in NICU, started taking swim lessons at the local Y at six months old, and proudly blew bubbles in the big kid pool just last week. So when she asked me if she could go off the diving board like the “big kids”, how could I say no?
That’s the thing about raising self-confident kids. You have to let them try things, even if it terrifies you (and all the judgmental parents around you). You have to let them make their own mistakes.
For instance, when my daughter was only 18 months old, she wanted desperately to wear the Dora The Explorer underwear I’d bought for her. She wasn’t anywhere near ready to potty train, but she was insistent that if I let her wear the underwear, she would be able to make it to the toilet on time. She didn’t– in fact, in just one day, she peed on my couch, her car seat, and the kitchen floor– but the more important part of this story is, she tried.
A few weeks ago, DH & I took her to a Mexican restaurant. While we were eating the spicy salsa (free chips, yum!), she decided she had to try whatever mommy and daddy were eating. I knew the salsa was too intense for her. DH knew the salsa was too intense for her. But we handed the salsa over, and let her try it out for herself. She nearly gagged, and gave us both a look that said, “What were you guys thinking????” But, again, she tried it.
Life is one long lesson; we’re always learning something. Whether it’s mastering a new skill (like multiplication tables) or practicing a new talent (like ballet), life is a comedy of errors. It’s learning by trying, and yes, by failing. I truly believe that in order to raise a self-confident, independent, courageous child, you have to give them the room to– literally– jump.
So back to that diving board. I watched as she curled her ten little toes– the ones I proudly counted on the day of her birth, noting the perfection of each one– around the edge of that long plank. She looked down at her daddy in the water, then back at me, studying us for any sign of apprehension. I nodded at her, smiled bravely, and gestured for her to jump. Then, my baby counted to three– “wahhhh, tooooo, freeeeeee”– and leapt.
Jump baby, jump.
Elizabeth is a content writer for Online Schools who gives advice on the pursuit of education and living a healthy life. In her free time, she enjoys chasing her daughter around the house non-stop, while trying to launch her blogging empire simultaneously.
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Its so important not to let our fears become our children’s fears – they can find them on their own.
Tracey´s last blog ..Labradorite and Silver Bracelet
My husband and I were just talking about this the other day. We don’t want to smother our little man but as he is our first its so hard…
imperfect momma´s last blog ..Monkey Man Escaped!!!!
What a great attitude! I remember my Gramps letting me take a sip of his Manhatten when I was about three- I remember it because it was AWFUL. But I tried!
Honey B.´s last blog ..Crossroads
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I love, “Life is one long lesson, we’re always learning something.”
I do agree that we have to let our children learn. My mom cringes at some of the things I allow my girls to do, but I believe that if they learn through their mistakes or learn something new by trying something new, what harm is in it? My 2 year old constantly wears under pants now even though sometimes she makes it to the potty and sometimes she doesn’t. My mom asks me why I go through the trouble if she pees or poos in her pants and on the floor. I tell her I do it because I think it can help her learn that she HAS to go to the potty if she doesn’t want to make a mess. My mom just doesn’t understand. I let my 4 year old do things as well, even if I know it will scare her. For example, when we were at the boardwalk the other day she wanted to go on a roller coaster. It wasn’t a big one, just small hills and turns, but my mom said I shouldn’t do it because she’d be scared. Well, yes, she did end up being scared and hated the roller coaster after it was over, but she watned to do it and I allowed her to because I wanted her to find out for herself. Not be influenced by myself or my mom. I think some people are just so traditional, they don’t understand that some parents would let their children learn through trial and error. It’s not that we’re bad people, it’s that everyone has their own beliefs and opinions on parenting.
http://theartsymom.tk
Krissy @ ArtsyMom´s last blog ..Monday Miscellany – Musings galore!
Great story! I remember my little sister jumping off the high dive at 2. I was too scared at almost 5. Gotta love the little daredevils!
Kristin @ Ellie-Town´s last blog ..Heres a tip
I totally agree. All tho, I feel that I let some of my kids do to many things and now they feel entitled to everything.
That is so sweet, brought tears to my eyes b/c you are letting her pave her own way yet keeping her safe. She is going to be a strong and independent person. Good reminder for me to back off a little . I really feel like I’m always telling my kids to “be careful” when they want to try something. This story is really sweet. Thank you.
Melissa (Confessions of a Dr. Mom)´s last blog ..The First Symptom of Pregnancy
I love this! I just had a serious lesson when my little boy wanted to slide face first down a slide. It scared the beejezus out of me but I let him, and of course he was fine. I learned quickly that if I want him to try new things I need to not only allow him to, but encourage him to!
Thanks for all the feedback, everybody! I have to admit, the glares got to me, but as I wrote this post, I realized that I was doing the right thing by letting her try something on her own! I appreciate the support!
I love this! I got a little lump in my throat when reading it. I have two boys, both wild in their own ways, but one is a crazy man! He wants to try everything. I fight a constant internal battle, knowing I have to let him learn & grow, but I also have to protect him. There is no better feeling than watching your children succeed, so even when I’m afraid I take a deep breath and off we go!