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What Happens In Vegas…
April 7th, 2010 | 
Author: By Honey B
So I’m traveling for work and one of my bosses remembers a comment about me doing the first day of a “Couch to 5K” program. He says, “Hey, let’s head to the Cardio Room for a workout tomorrow morning, you want to?” What the hell, of course I don’t want to! I did one day of the C25K and incapacitated myself for a week! And I’m in Vegas, I want to drink too much and sleep late! So I say, “Sure, what time?”
We meet at 7am. Going to the gym at such a horrendous time of day is almost good, because the mind is too numb to comprehend the coming horrors.
Photo Courtesy: Destination 360
We walk in, and I almost turn around and walk out. Of course, it’s the city of plastic people who can actually walk in 6-inch stilettos. Of course! Some of these women have make up on!! I’m wearing yoga pants a size too small and a t-shirt that says Titanic Swim Team of 1912. Nothing but amazing bodies and spandex as far as the eye can see. It just makes you want to scream, why are you people here, don’t you have wheatgrass to be grazing on!?!
He heads over to one side, and I head to the other. Distance is good. This does not need to be witnessed by anyone I know- and oh how those words would ring true in a few minutes.
I’ve got a towel (in case I sweat- hah!), my iPhone with earbuds, and a bottle of water. I get on the treadmill and rev it up; I start walking at what I hope is a respectable pace. After about three twenty minutes, I accidentally knock my water bottle off the treadmill. So obviously I’m forced to take a break retrieve it. I step off the treadmill and lean over to pick it up, and the unthinkable happened…
I farted.
It was like when time stands still in the movies, and you’re thinking- that did NOT just happen.
Oh but it did. And it wasn’t just a little poof. It was a full on GI-system-reacting-to-too-much-Weight-Watchers-fiber. I’m pretty sure the seat of my pants billowed.
What is a girl to do?!? This was not a secret fart, when time started going again the hot gay guy on the treadmill next to mine smirked. He knew.
So I do what any self-respecting girl would do. I fake a phone call and walk out of the gym. On the way out, I signaled to my would-be workout partner that this is obviously an important phone call, which is what necessitated me to leave the gym and wait for him at Starbucks. With a chai tea latte and blueberry empanada
But what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, right? Right?!?
What your most embarassing workout moment?
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OMFG ROFLMAO!!!!! Thank you thank you thank you for making me laugh my fanny off today!!!
And I don’t have any embarrassing workout stories…because….you see….I don’t work out! LOL
I think I should follow your plan, I could have avoided the embarrassment!! lol
Priceless… Absolutely Priceless…
As for my most embarassing workout moment… Hmm… It’s kind of hazy exactly what happend… However, I recall it involved Gin & Snapple & a workout to help the alcohol hit my body quicker before heading to the bar…
And no, I don’t recall making it to the bar that night.
And yes, I am very thankful to have made it through college…
A gin and snapple plus gym….that sounds like the potential for disaster! Oh college adventures… lol
this was great!! so funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! great job Honey B
Its good to know that even if I embarrass myself, its entertaining….I did snicker a little while writing this…lol
ROFLMBO!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!! This could be better than me having IT happen!!! Hahahahah! What I want to know is — what did your mom have to say about this?
I’m afraid to even guess what she’ll say when she reads this….lol
OMGoodness! That is so freakin hilarious! Thank you for sharing!! Your writing is awesome! I just completed Week two day One of the couch to 5k!
You totally rock! I did the first day (ok, most of the first day) and then made Marmot drive me to work (across the street) because I could hardly put my own pants on, let alone walk to work. lol
Heh. Well God bless you for a good and honest fart.
Loved your post!
LOL! That’s hilarious! And well played by faking that phone call. LOL I’ve actually been farting a lot lately while working out. Fortunately I workout at home all alone with no witnesses!
Haha!
One of the most wonderful of all iPhone apps, the fake phone call app….lol
Now I remember why my Mom walks outside, by herself, for exercise?!
OMG!!! I’m sorry that happened to you, but that was hilarious!! Great move with the phone call! Sadly I know what it’s like – I get soooo gassy when pregnant and sometimes it just can’t be contained. Thank goodness that’s over now though!
Oh no, pregnancy makes you gassy? Watch out for the nuclear warnings from the Great Midwest whenever I get pregnant, I’m (obviously) gassy as it is!! lol
Honey — I have no idea how you didn’t just start giggling. I know I would have. Nice save though.
TOTALLY FUNNY! I would have giggled to much!
OK, so that story was awesome and I could TOTALLY see that happening to me! But rather than comment on any of that, I’m still caught up in – where did you get the awesome titantic swim team t-shirt and where can I get one?!?!?!