Your Heart Will Go On
March 22nd, 2010 | 
Author: By Julia
You’re weeks away from giving birth. You’re counting down the day til your beloved maternity leave; when you can be home and relax and spend wonderful, beautiful, peaceful hours with your sweet new babe.
Crying, screaming, feedings, wakings, spit-ups, throw-ups, diapers, bibs, more crying, a little sleeping, an outting once a week and before you know it… POOF! Your maternity leave is over.
Oh, the day you go back to work. That dreaded day. And while your leave wasn’t nearly as stress-free as you hoped, it certainly beat being at work.
Most first time moms fear going back to work. A deadly fear. A fear that no one else on the face of the planet has ever watched a baby before and would therefore not know how to take care of your child. And this is especially tough if you’re an OCD-Mom like me. Strict napping times, precise feedings, and heaven forbid, don’t forget tummy time!
So, when the thought of leaving your baby with Grandma (she’s so old-school), your sister (she’s not even a Mom!), a day care provider (too many germs), or (gasp) your husband, you get shivers up and down your spine.
But life after maternity leave can go smoothly. As a full-time working mom who’s done it – twice – I survived in one piece.
1.) Don’t Call 10 Times A Day.
Or even five. Or three. If your babysitter (spouse, sister, Mom, day care) needed something from you, they will call. Besides, calling every hour only makes you more of a wreck:
10am phone call: “What? She only slept for 45 minutes? She never does that! Ohmygosh, she’s going to be so crabby. Did you rock her? Sing to her? She must sleep!”
11am phone call: “Did you feed her yet? Well, yes, you should’ve fed her early, she woke up early! (rolling the eyes) She’s probably starving, poor girl!”
1pm phone call: “Why is she crying? Did she poop yet? She’s probably constipated. Are you supposed to give a 3 month old prune juice for constipation? Did you swaddler her correctly at naptime? That’s probably why she woke up early. Oh dear, it’s 1:00. She should be in bed!!”
Yes, admit it, you’ve done that before. Take a deep breath and let the caregiver do the caregiving. Calling every 15 minutes will only make you call more and more and more. I learned quickly that if I went the entire day without knowing that my daughter only napped for 45 minutes when it should’ve been 2 hours, I was much more calm. It’s not like you can up and leave work at every little mishap anyway, so just learn to realize that not every day is going to be a perfect day. But baby adjusts well.
2.) Go back to work when you’re ready!
I realize some of you don’t have much of a choice. With my first, I took 3.5 months off. It was perfect timing. My daughter was feeding well and sleeping through the night. With my second, I only planned on taking 8 weeks and thought that would be plenty. Boy, was I wrong!! My son was not nearly as good a sleeper so I spent many a time getting up at 4:30 to console/feed a crying baby and then have to turn around and go to work. It was exhausting. I definitely could’ve called my HR department and pushed my leave back a little longer. And next pregnancy, I will definitely shoot for at least 3 months!
3.) Use your break time usefully.
Especially if you’re still getting up in the middle of the night. Find a break room, sneak out to your car, or close the door to your office and catch some shut eye. You’ll feel refreshed and better about getting through the rest of the day.
4.) Have a pump schedule (and room!) ready (if you’re breastfeeding).
When I first started pumping for my daughter, I was in a women’s exercise locker room. I felt exposed and embarassed. Ladies walking in and out and while most of them were probably moms themselves, I was a new mom. This wasn’t natural for me yet. With my son, I was able to get a key to a rarely used room and put a sign on the front that said, “Room in use. Do not enter.” I also pumped at the same time every day that I would normally nurse my baby. It wasn’t exact because, you know, meetings run late and unexpected things come up. But for the most part, I stuck to the schedule. And honestly, I hated pumping. I begrudgingly trudged down to that room 2-3 times a day. But in the end, I was glad I did. (I had over 700 ounces of frozen breast milk stocked in our freezer!!)
If you’re not nursing, Still take 10-15 minutes (perhaps at her normal feeding time) to relax, read a chapter in a book or an article in a magazine and get your mind off things. Or, if you know it won’t make you miss her too much, show off pictures of your new bundle to all your doting do-workers.
5.) Enjoy your time at home.
If you can, avoid bringing work home. It will make actually being at work, more miserable because you will feel like you can’t get away. When you get home, enjoy time with your baby, and your spouse. Play on the floor, read the same book over and over, stack blocks so she can keep knocking them down. Those are truly the moments you will enjoy. If you’re always doing work-related stuff, work will be a drag.
Remember, you can survive life after maternity leave. In fact, as your babe grows older, you will have precious moments that make going to work (and coming home) so enjoyable. My 2 year old daughter would look out the front window and yell, “Bye Mommy! Love you!” while giving me the sign for I love you. Melted my heart and made me smile the entire way to work. And those, my dear friends, are moments you will never forget.
With 2 toddlers attached to her hip and hair thrown in a ponytail on an almost daily basis, Julia blogs at Work, Wife, Mom… Life. She’s a full-time working mom who tries to balance it all with her faith holding her together.
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Ah yes, returning to work.
I too took 3.5 months off. It was the PERFECT amount of time. The boys’ schedule was pretty much regular, and they were just about sleeping through the night at that point.
I was actually ready to go back to work. Yes, I had a hard time getting ready that morning and driving in (I may have shed a few tears), but once I was at work I was happy. It was so nice to get a break and some adult interaction.
I highly recommend to any new mom to try to take off at least 3 months. It is well worth it in the end…even if you’re broke at that point LOL.
I actually returned to work after 6 weeks for the first. We worked 3rd shifts and didn’t worry much, he slept well for my friend. Hubby and I took shifts during the day.
2nd one I think I took 8 weeks. I was still on 3rds and hubby was working days. This was a little more difficult. I didn’t have a babysitter at this time. Two kids, me and little sleep.
3rd one I was off of work for almost 6 months. I had complications with healing from the c-section. This time really put the desire to be SAHM in me. It wasn’t 5 months later and circumstances changed. I was a SAHM.
If I had it all to do over again, and had to return to work, I would say 3-4 months is great and her suggestions are perfect when you return to work.
I was blessed b/c I was able to job-share when I went back to work, and I only had to return part-time. I am glad you mentioned finding a quiet room to nurse in — I was VERY fortunate that there was a space for me to do that, because my only other option was the ladies’ room and I was *not* about to do that!
Oh man – going back to work was AWFUL! I cried the night before. I cried in the morning. I cried on the car ride in when I looked in my rearview mirror and didn’t see her little face in the baby mirror. Then I cried on the way home that I’d missed the whole day. That lasted about a week – and I was workign from home 2 days a week! Then I decided to quit because I was told part time wasn’t an option – but when we actually started to approach the end of my notice period… part time became an option! Thank goodness!
I took between 4-5 months off with each pregnancy and would not do it any differently if I were to do it again. If I could have had more time, I would definitely taken advantage of it.
I am so fortunate to work for a company that provided me with a dedicated room to pump in. I can say that having a place where you feel comfortable is key to prolonging the experience. Don’t ever let someone convince you that pumping in a bathroom stall is ok… it’s not, if there is a better alternative.
I treasure the sounds I can hear from inside the house when i pull into the garage each night. They are so excited to see me, they fight for their position at the door
Along with the dog!
If you ever have the opportunity to work a reduced schedule, go for it! It is the BEST thing I ever did when I returned to work with my second child. And when you do return to work, see if you can ease yourself back in slowly rather than diving in head first at 40 hrs a week.
I took 8 weeks off with both of my babes. I was more sad about going back to work with my second because I just couldn’t bear leaving both of my kids in daycare. A few weeks in I was better after he came home happy and well taken care of. I agree that you can’t call every hour, but I felt it was okay to call once the first day to see if he/she was adjusting. And to reassure myself. I think if I have another child I will skip daycare and come up with another option>
great stuff ladies! I only took 8 weeks with my 2nd and we were NOT ready. 3-4 months IS perfect!!!
and yes, a bathroom stall is NOT cool! i’ve had to do it, but that quiet room was perfect!
Going back to work was so HARD for me after my first two babies. It was hardest with my second, as I didn’t take as much time off. Plus, with my first I worked 2nd shift, so my hubby was home with her. With my son, I worked the same time my hubby did, so I had to hand my sweet 2-month-old son over to a sitter!
It was so hard. VERY hard. But, yes, I adjusted. And, yes, he’s great now – at 4 years old. None the worse for wear! I am blessed that I didn’t have to do this a third time with my youngest. I’m now living my dream – as a SAHM. 
Ah yes, I can totally relate to this post. I was a wreck when I had to go back to work after having my first child. I mean a total hot mess for a whole 2 weeks! Luckily I didn’t have to go through that again with my second!